A Fanfiction Angstier Than Tam

Alone

This is a short chapter, but we don't talk about that.

Grady, Edaline, and Sandor stood up when Sophie stormed into Havenfield.

"I smell blood," Sandor commented silently.

Sophie ran up the stairs as Mr. Forkle entered. He looked at Grady and Edaline and shook his head. Sandor followed Sophie upstairs and did the usual sweep of her room. He sniffed again.

"You should probably do something about your wound, wherever it is. It reeks of blood." He said as he left the room.

Sophie nodded, lifting her sleeve, revealing three faint lines of blood. They were long dry now. She froze. She had only done it once before. It weighed her down. Whenever she saw it she felt like such a disappointment. But at the same time, she needed it to feel balanced.

She took a deep breath and pulled her sleeve up more to reveal her battle wound. It wasn't big, but she might as well treat it. When she was done, she stared at the faint lines of blood again. They were nearly healed by now. Sandor had found her knife a few days ago and took it away, and Sophie made up a lie that it was Ro's, and she left it here a while ago so Sophie's scent was on it. She bought a new one in the Forbidden Cities without anyone noticing.

She had been doing this to herself before the "final battle". If she was being honest, the past few battles made her abandon hope. One battle, in as little as five minutes it was over and Sophie and her friends retreated. That's when she cut herself. She stayed in her room for days numb to pain or feeling after that. But she felt like she needed it. That's why she got a new knife.

She needed a new place to hide her knife so no one would find it. She went to her bookshelf and took the most boring and thickest looking book she could find and cut a hole through all of the pages, making a little compartment. She hid the knife there and memorized the book title as she returned the book to the shelf. The book was in Elvin Runes, which was perfect because absolutely nobody wants to read books written in that language.

She stared at where she cut herself. Yes, she was ashamed of what she was doing, but none of the elves will understand. For some reason, no elves have any mental illnesses. Not anxiety, not depression, nothing. And she never felt more alone than the day she found out it was impossible for an elf to get one. They wouldn't understand her thoughts, what she was going through. They would think it's stupid and mock her. They would be mad at her. Why would you kill yourself? You're just giving up. If anyone learns what she's doing... Sophie didn't want to think about what would happen. That's why no one will ever find out. 

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let me know what you think plz!! probably won't update for a while after this.