[F a k e L o v e]
"Look at me,
I threw myself away.
Not even you can
understand me.
You say I'm strange
when I changed into the
person you liked,
You say I'm not the person
you used to know."
Φ
SHE was curled up into a ball whilst her figure laid lifelessly upon the cold bathroom floor. They had spilled her emotions, so she spilled her own blood. Her cheeks were stained with tears, the taste as salty as life, whilst blood stained her body and the tiled floors. She had never tasted blood so bitter-sweet before.
Such is life, her thoughts spoke. Oh, how life could be such a beautiful tragedy when it came to lies.
When she faced them, she was able to present them a mask pretending to be happy when in truth, she was sad. In front of them, she began to build a wall around herself, pretending she was strong, but deep within, it hurt.
Hoping that all my weaknesses will be hidden. Slowly, she unrolled her curled figure before she laid on her back. Cold. The floor was cold with just as much coldness that has kissed humanity. She wondered how humans have lost touch to be caring, loving and empathetic. These are just some of the characteristics that make us human.
She scoffed internally. I'm enacting a pretty lie. She was becoming a lie herself. Erasing herself, her essence, her truth, she has slowly become a lie.
"I don't even know myself," she whispered as she continued to bleed and allow her tears to be free. She rewinded the clock in her mind, trying to identify what was the cause that lead her to now. From her self-reflection and self-indulgence of what seemed to be such good times, she realised, "I don't even know who I used to be."
How is it possible to not know who you are? The thought penetrated her. She didn't have the answer to that question, but what she knew for sure that the continuous belittlement that inflicted scars would soon shatter her into pieces of shards.
Ugly.
Disgusting.
Worthless.
I hate you.
We hate you.
How the fuck is anyone going to love you?
Those words kept dancing and singing inside her head. Grabbing her hair, she tugged and pulled at her curls with force, hoping the pain would distract her from listening to such hate.
"I hate you," she silently cried, "I hate you, me, everything." She gave her the world and she changed everything just for her. She did it out of love, she loved her friend.
Loved.
"It's all fake love."
