You're Always You

Chapter Fifty-Two

Lydia Petrov

Lydia was used to sleeping next to someone.

Just... not David.

By the time Lydia woke up in the morning, she could feel David tangled around her. It was certainly comfortable, but Lydia figured if they had been together so long in their world that he was already well aware of what she considered comfortable and not comfortable.

Though, the fact that she woke up and David was already awake and just watching her was a bit of a surprise.

Yawning, Lydia rolled her head back from his arm onto a pillow. He might be used to her, but she... she wasn't that used to him. Not... yet, at least. The pictures were... so damning. It was clear that David had a history with her... somehow.

Lydia felt like she had amnesia in a way - him knowing things that she didn't.

...In a way, Lydia was treating this like she did have amnesia, even though she didn't. Seeing herself happy in that place, whatever that place was, made Lydia feel like she could be happy... too. It made Lydia feel like if she tried with David, it could get better.

It also made Lydia decide to sleep in the same bed as David. Certainly not sleeping with David. Lydia wasn't ready for that. But... she could try to be a little less slow. A... healthy balance between her desired pace and his... normal behavior with the other Lydia.

Other Lydia.

"Morning," David murmured to Lydia. "Did you want me to get you something to eat so you can wake up?"

...Bizarre...

"No, no..." Lydia shook her head stubbornly while watching him. "I'm okay. But, uh... good morning."

David ran his hand against Lydia's shoulder softly, his fingers sliding down to slip down until they laced with her hand. Lydia squeezed his hand lightly and nodded her head in approval, in a way, before resting her forehead against his arm.

Being affectionate like this with anyone after just leaving Richard... it was still a weird thought. Lydia was just trying to... go with it.

"...So," Lydia mumbled leaning back to see his face. "...Tell me about yourself? Yourself in... where you came from."

"Hmm..." David hummed in thought, watching her. "I wasn't in the Army nearly as long." He decided to say.

Lydia nodded her head. "How long were you?"

"Five years. I went in after high school, mostly for the college benefits. I was deployed after graduation, and... that was terrible. My dad stayed in the military so long it tore my parents apart. I didn't want that, so.... I came home for good when my tour was over. Decided I'd rather marry you than get blown to smithereens." David said.

It made Lydia smile at the sweetness and nod her head. "That's kind of you." She murmured to him. "Guess I'm not used to those kinds of gestures."

David started to laugh softly, rolling his head to stare up at the ceiling. "Yeah, well... That's the kind of man I am, I guess."

Lydia hummed and nodded her head. "Is it bad if I'm jealous of the other Lydia?" She said softly with a smile.

"No, in fact that's the point." David said.

Furrowing her eyebrows together, Lydia turned to look at him. "What do you mean?"

David gave a sigh and rubbed at Lydia's cheek. "Divine Dickface said he'd put everything back the way it was, if I could get my brother out of jail, put Monica back in school, and rescue you from Dickie."

Lydia decided to not comment on the whole 'Dickie' part and instead focus on what he said. Which, truthfully... hurt a bit. Because, with how David was talking, it was as though Lydia wasn't... Lydia. It was as though there was a different woman entirely. That she was the other girl.

And, really, David wasn't here for this Lydia. She was the other girl.

Here Lydia was hoping to have a... future with him and he was hoping to have a future elsewhere. She was just... a ticket out of here.

Lydia wondered what would happen to her when he was gone.

...Perhaps planning to move with him was futile. She should just... continue plans on her own. David didn't love her. He just loved that Lydia looked like... the other Lydia.

She was a stepping stone for Richard and now she was a stepping stone for David.

In this reality, or whatever it was, Lydia seemed to only be a tool.

...Lydia really couldn't see why David saw himself as much better than Richard at this rate. Richard might have hurt her, but he at least loved this version of Lydia.

Lydia must have gone quiet for too long, considering the fact David cleared his throat to speak and shook his head. "...Lydia, I didn't... that came out wrong."

Forcing a thin lipped smile, Lydia shook her head. She sat herself up in the bed softly and rubbed her shoulder. "It's fine," She said briefly and stood up from her spot.

"No it isn't, I know that face- Lydia." David said, sitting up from the bed to follow after her. She felt him place his hands on her waist and stop her from walking towards the kitchen.

"...I was just going to make some breakfast," Lydia mumbled.

"You can do that in a minute, I know you're upset with me. C'mere." David said as he pulled Lydia against his chest.

Lydia stiffened somewhat, a frown on her face though she let him hug her. "It's fine," She mumbled.

"It's not. Please, don't...don't say it's fine when it isn't. I didn't mean what I said that way, Lydie, I'm sorry. You're not....You're not just a means to an end, okay?"

The woman closed her eyes and curled her arms around herself. She brought her hand up to her face and placed it over her mouth for a moment, collecting her thoughts. When she shifted her hand over to her cheek, she spoke. "...It's fine," Lydia said softly. "I'm not... your Lydia, and that's okay. When you're gone... I'll just figure it out. You don't love me, you love her. But... that's okay. It's okay." Lydia continued to repeat, shaking her head.

Some life.

"Alright, look. I don't know how this works. I'll admit that. But I'd like to think...some iteration of me would stay here. Or, maybe, we both go back. I don't...I don't know. But I do know that even if I don't get sent back, it's not like I'm just...leaving. I'm not just here because I might get something out of it, Lydia. I would've done nothing different if I was getting jack shit out of this. Because no matter where or when either of us are, you are the love of my life. I would've come for you no matter what, because that's the right thing to do anyway." David said, squeezing her.

Lydia fell silent, though she dropped her head onto his chest. She took a few deep breaths while taking in his words and closed her eyes. "...What's going to happen to me." Lydia mumbled softly. She eventually slipped her arms around him and muttered, "...I don't want you to go."

"...I don't know, honey. I wish I did." David said, rubbing her back. "But everything will be okay. Alright? Trust me." He murmured.

Lydia nodded her head slowly, letting out a breath. "...I trust you." Lydia murmured softly. "...Just scared."

"Me too, sweetheart. Me too..."