Marissa B

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You know Connor?

So.. about that.

I guess I'll just start from the beginning...

We had been dating for a month and a week at that point. I was with my best friend Rahmiah and we were chilling at a birthday party with her family, I went to text Connor and say sum cute and right as I typed 'hey' I got a text from him on Snapchat. I opened it right away and there it was. It said: 'So you know how I said that my mom wouldn't care about me dating, she does, she told me to break up with you, so I'm so sry but I have to break up with you, we can still be friends. I'm so sry I feel so bad and please tell Jasmine not to beat my ass. I'm being serious I'm sooooo sry.'

Let me tell you, right then and there I felt my whole heart break. I didn't respond yet, I just sat there re-reading it over and over again holding back my tears because I was in front of a lot of people. I legit couldn't believe it.

I told Rahmiah to follow me and I went downstairs into this little private room and Rahmiah was there shortly after. She came in and tears were streaming down my face. She asked what was wrong and the next sentence FUCKED ME UP. Saying, "Connor broke up with me," through tears tore me up. Rahmiah instantly hugged me tight and I cried so hard. I couldn't keep it in. She hugged me telling me that he's not worth it, and all I could think of was how much I wanted him to be.

"He's not the one," I wish he was.

"He doesn't deserve you," I wish he did.

"You're gonna find someone new and be happy," I don't fucking want to.

I don't want anybody but him. AND IT'S SO STUPID.

I didn't like him at first, he liked me. He got me to like him... well I guess that was on me... but still. He fucking got me to like him, then love him. Like actually love him. Then he goes and breaks up with me! I should've known... he's done it to all the other girls he has dated. I'm so stupid thinking it would be different with me. I told EVERYBODY about him. My mom, my dad, my sister, my friends.

I miss him, I miss every memory, I miss thinking we would be together forever. I know it's stupid, and I'm in middle school, but I legit can't help it. I know we weren't together that long but I just got attached. I cried everyday the rest of the weekend. Then on Monday I went to school and saw him. Fuck that hurt. I had lunch and he was a few tables away from me and I couldn't stop crying, and Jasmine and Rahmiah came over to comfort me and they kept glaring at Connor which made me upset because at that point he knew I was crying about him, which I didn't want him to know.

But yeah. Now it's almost a month since our breakup and he is already talking to somebody new. I'm still over here missing him ✌️. I forgot about him for a while but he posted on Snapchat saying how I'm ugly and I was a mistake. Ok thanks. I didn't care about that but over the past week it kept bothering me and I keep thinking about how much I wish he was still here. I don't wanna feel like this anymore lol.

I don't think I'm gonna trust anybody new for a long time because Connor told me he loved me the day before we broke up, that was a lie. I wonder how long he was lying. I know he genuinely liked (maybe loved but idk) me at first, I'm just wondering what I did wrong to make him stop.