Another Moment Passing by...

Chapter 28: Reality Ruined My Life

Chapter 28: Reality Ruined My Life

*Haley's P.O.V.*

Niall and I were laying on our bed, my body wrapped in his adoringly protective arms. The only thought running through my mind was I don't deserve him. Yet, I knew I would never let him go if it was up to me. No girl in their right mind would. Hell, no guy in their right mind would give up Niall Horan. He kissed my nose, breaking the tranquil, still silence we had previously been laying in. I crunched up my face automatically making him smile down at me. My heart warmed, adoring the feeling of being adored, but there was a sour twist as almost an after taste. I looked away, still ashamed. I sure hope it doesn't stay like this forever, I thought desperately, hating the guilt that shadowed me everywhere I went. I felt a finger on my chin guide my face to turn back around, forcing me to stare into the grey, misty blue depths of Niall's gaze. "Babe, what can I do to make you feel better?" he asked, putting on the most adorable, persuasive pout I'd ever seen. I smiled a bit at his sincerity, but I could only think of a few things that would cheer me up.

"You could either rewind to before Louis and I kissed, rewind to before I... resorted back to my old ways," I suggested, averting his gaze. Even if it was a supportive look, I still just couldn't look him in the eye while letting him down. Thinking about it, that's all I really was; a letdown. I stared down at my hands, playing with my nails as more thoughts of self-loathing seeped into my mind.

"Halez?" Niall called softly, bringing me out of the dark waters of my hatred for myself and onto the shores of reality with his sweet accent. I looked up at him, ridding my face of all emotion. "Is there anything possible that I can do to cheer you up?" he specified, grinning slightly. I smiled back, my stare falling back to my pale pink fingers.

"You could get Julia to not hate me... And you could somehow stop me from hating myself..." I trailed off, mumbling that last part. It was probably going to take quite a while before I was even fine with myself again. Suddenly, I was under Niall, his sweet lips pressed to mine. I was shocked at first, but then I began to kiss back. I mean, it's not like I was going to reject his kiss. I cherished every single one. He unfortunately retracted his mouth from mine, though it was probably for the best in that certain situation that thing hadn't gotten too heated. He stared down at me with watery blue eyes, just making the remorse that much worse.

"Don't say that," he pleaded, "ever again. Ever. You can't hate yourself; you're too damn perfect. And Julia doesn't hate you either, you're best friends! She's quite mad at you probably, yes, but she doesn't hate you," he said, stroking my cheek gently. My heart warmed, and I wanted to believe him so badly, but I just couldn't bring myself to. I hated myself, despised myself even, and it was going to take more than a simple sentence to turn that around. I appreciated his efforts, don't get me wrong, but I was stuck in the state of mind that I was a horrible person. In that moment, I was my own worst enemy. I had managed to make my best friend hate me, my other best friend feel awkward around me, and the love of my life cry. You can't really expect me to be pleased with myself.

"Even if she doesn't hate me, I still hate me," I mumbled, averting his gaze. I was aware that that statement might have hurt him, but I was just being honest.

"Do you know how much it hurts me to hear you say that?" he replied. The amount of pain in his voice made me look up. It was like a punch in the stomach, seeing the cute little frown on his face and the water on the surface of his eyes. "It makes me feel like I've failed," he admitted. I sighed, staring sorrowfully up into his baby blues. My right hand caressed his cheek, my left resting on his hip. I brought my lips to his, kissing him passionately for a short moment before pulling back. The last thing I wanted was for him to think all this was his fault.