17 | xxxtentacion

2. Jocelyn Flores

Dear Who Ever Is Reading This,

When I walked out the door that faithful night I wish I didn't. I knew he was somewhere. Somewhere far away. The things I found out. It trapped me in my mind. I held on for so long because who was I really without him. He simply was all I knew .. better yet all I want to know. He's constantly on my mind and when I get bold enough to go confront him .. something always holds me back.

I'm in pain. The situation left me feeling as if death was the only option. I know there's some things I cant change and this is one of them. So I trip , contemplate death but keep my composure. Imagine this. Love of your life. Apple of your eye. Fucks up. Them were the nights were the devil seemed closest. Ever since then I've hated myself more than ever but even more .. I hate that I still love him. Truthfully I wanted to let go. Traumatic. When the one you love hurts you the most. He dug a grave and I unknowingly laid down in it. Couldn't even bother to talk about his haste decisions. It was fucken tragic. It is fucken tragic. New rumors what seemed like all at the same time. Knife to my wrist. But don't understand me wrong, he was the cherry too my depression sundae. While not completely being the main reason still being a reason. Post traumatic stress disorder along with a bunch of other things fucked my world up.

I felt pain. I feel pain. Everyday it feels like it just happened yesterday yet it also feels as if I've been hurting for eternity. But its gotten to the point where I don't even hurt the same .. I'm so numb. I thought I knew him but I guess not.

Love,

lee