More Than That

I Did This

August P.O.V.

"He was my son!" She yelled with tears streaming down her face.

Son, she had a beybeh? When? I was the only nigga she was with.

"Is it mine?" I asked in a broken tone.

"What?" She asked in disbelief.

"Is it mine? Or did you got slut up with some lowlife nigga?!"

My bruva stood in front of her staring at me with dark eyes.

"The fuck you say nigga? You talk to any other girl like that, but you gone respect this one right here!"

"The fuck, you my bruva..." He cut me off.

"And that's my sister! Aug you wrong, if you knew the shit she went through..." He got cut off too.

"To answer your question, yes he was yours. I was 14, you were the only person I had been with."

"So whea' is he?" He should be about 2 or 3 now.

She was quiet when I asked where he was.

"Whea' the fuck is my son Jayde?" She looked scared and sad all at the same time.

"He's dead." She spoke quietly.

"Bitch you killed my seed!" I saw red all over again and I charged at her. Punk ass Chris call himself being a hero and shit blocking me from getting to her.

"Breezy, this ain't got nothing to do with you."

"When you running up on my girl it has everything to do with me."

"She killed my beybeh!"

"She didn't kill him!" My mama yelled. "My grand baby died, nobody killed him."

"Mama, you knew?"

"We both knew." Trav spoke.

"So everybody fucking knew about this bitch having my beybeh but me huh?!"

"Call her out of her name one more time Aug." Chris threatened

"I tried to tell you. August, I tried to tell you as soon as I found out." She sounded so defeated.

"We need to leave them alone for a minute." My mom said trying to get everybody outside or something.

"No disrespect Ms. Sheila, but I'm not leaving my girl by herself with him."

"I'm with Chris on this one Ma, you saw how he been coming at her since he got here."

"It wasn't a question. Get y'all narrow asses outside." She had both of them by their ear, pulling them away from us.  If it wasn't for the current situation I'd be laughing at that.

I looked over to Jayde, she still hadn't moved from her spot. She was sitting with her knees hugged to her chest just rocking. She only does that for one reason.

"You scared of me Bug?" That got her attention.

"You don't get to call me that." She snapped at me, but she never moved from her spot. She was afraid of me.

"You only eva' sit like that when you scared of something, and right na I'm the only otha' person in this room."

I could literally see her shaking as I got closer to her.

"Please don't hurt me, I'm sorry I couldn't keep him safe." She cried.

"That day you came back to New Orleans, that's  what you tried tellin' me ain't it?" She nodded.

"What'd you name him?"

"Anthony Melvin Alsina. He was perfect, even though he had just been born I could see mixes of you and Mel in him."

"Even after I treated you the way I did you still named him after me?" She nodded as she stared off.

"He loved your voice. When he would be restless and kick me all night, I'd put my headphones over my stomach and play him all the songs you used to send to me. Hearing you talk or sing put him at ease."

"You were pregnant when I came ta tha' school?"

"Yeah, he always knew when it was you talking to me." My face fell, my son heard and felt all the bad shit I said to his mother.

"What happened that day, what happened to you when I left?"

"I started runnin' with them dudes, they said they could help me find who killed my bruva. I was so lost that I would have believed anybody if they told me about getting close to Mel's killer, and I did exactly that. I got into selling drugs and got caught in some trouble that's why mama sent me here."

"What about the day I saw you?"

I remember that day very well. It's the day I made Jayde hate me forever. I broke her heart and mine that day.

"I had to hurt you like that. Running around with niggas like them, and having you as close as I did wasn't good for either of us. I wanted out and they knew it. They woulda' had no problem using you to get to me."

"You could have just told me Aug, I would have understood."

"Would you really Bug, like you saw me as Superman the whole time we were growing up. You always thought I could do no wrong."

She started picking with her nails. That was my sign to know I was right. Anytime somebody said something that she was wrong about she would start to fidget with her hands.

"Some thangs neva' change huh?" I pointed to her hands making her immediately stop and hide them.

"So why still pick with me when you got to Virginia?"

"You think they was gone let me go that easy? They got niggas everywhere watching me. Might not be as hard as the ones in New Orleans, but they all waiting on me to slip up. Picking on you was easier than bringin' you into this with me"

Even with this all I was ever trying to do was keep the one pure thing in my life from getting dirty, and I still failed. I corrupted her myself just by pushing her away.

"I needed you." She stood to her feet. "I needed you the day I took the test, I needed you the day the doctor called my aunt confirming the results. Where were you Aug?"

By now she was crying and shoving me in my chest.

"I needed you the day I went into the labor, I was 15! I didn't know anything about having a baby, but I wanted him. I wanted him because he was yours and you weren't there!"

My heart was breaking with every word she said. I did this to her.

"You weren't there when I was crying and yelling for you on that bed! You weren't there when they told me I could take him home, just for them to come back and tell me my baby was gone!"

I let her punch me in my chest, shove me, hit me, whatever she needed to do. Because nothin' I said was gone take her hurt away. She finally stopped fighting me and just buried her head and my chest. I wrapped my arms around her like I used to when we were kids.

"I gotchu Bug, I gotchu."

"He was so little, his tiny lungs couldn't help him breathe on his own. He was barely two pounds when he was born, he was the size of my hand. I wanted to hold him, but I didn't get to do that until he was gone."

I was crying before I even knew it. I cried for my seed, my family, my bruva, but mostly I cried for the girl in my arms. She didn't deserve this, she went through all this shit because I put her through it. Because I was hotheaded and stubborn, if it wasn't for me my son would still be here. If it wasn't for me we'd be a family. I'ma fix this, I can't bring my boy back, but I can give Jayde her best friend back or at least try to.