Ramen / Jonghyun Shinee ff

Work is work.

Bzzzzz Bzzzzz.....

I opened my eyes because of my phone was ringing. What now? I didn't even looked at it , I opened it.

Jess, open your door.

I'm sorry , but who is it?

You are not recognising your boyfriend's voice?

JONGHYUN OPPA??!!

Yes, Jess. I know my name. Can you come and open the door please? I'm waiting.

Then he hung up.

WHAT IS HE DOING HERE ?

I rushed at the bathroom washed my face, brushed my teeth and hair. I don't have time to change so I kept my PJ on. I run to the door and open it. As soon as I did a pair of hands wrapped around me. I hugged him back. I breathed in his sense and then we let go. He kissed my forehead.

"Good morning! "
"Good morning! Oppa , why are you here? Did something happened? " I asked worried.
"I came to see my girlfriend. Did I do something wrong? " Then he turnd around and faced me.
"A boyfriend should have a reason to come and see his beautiful girlfriend? " I blushed at his comment.  He then looked me up and down. "I advise you to go and change that outfit. I'm a man after all , and I don't know how much am I going to hold back if you continue having that on." He said. I looked at my clothes and I don't get his problem. I'm waring black shorts and a white crop top with one of my shoulders uncovered.

"Why? What is the deal with it? I'm comfortable with it. So I'm not change it." I said and went to the kitchen and get myself a glass of water. I'm really thirsty. For water,  don't think anything dirty you dirty minds. I can hear him talking with himself but I couldn't make out what he was saying. Then he let what he had with him on the table. I didn't realise till now that he actually had some bags with him. I got near him and hug him from behind.

"What are those oppa?" He looked at me and smiled. He then turnd around  hugged me and put his head on my neck.
"Breakfast." He kissed my neck. "I'm not the best cooker but I got ramen." He said gigging like a little boy. I pinch his cheeks.
"Cute." I said smiling at him. "But oppa , first is ramen...for breakfast... and second I don't eat breakfast or dinner only lunch." He then pushed me but hold my shoulders.
"You...WHAT????!!!!!" He started to scream.
"Ouch, oppa. I can hear you very clearly, stop screaming."
I got my hand and we seated down on the chairs at the dinning table.
"Now tell me why do you eat only once a day?" He asked. In his eyes I could see his worry about me . But why I have years that I do it . My body is already learned with the idea of eating only once a day.
"Well....Hmmm....." I don't want to tell him the truth. That I started all this to lose weight and to be satisfied with the way I looked. And I also started running ,  hiking, cycling and all sorts of things just to lose weight and to be accepted by everyone. I'm idiot and I know it. But even went I was on shape , I didn't stop it and continued till now.
"Don't lie to me. I can see that you are looking for something to come up with and not to tell me the truth. Now speak." He said and held my hand.I got a deep breath and started to speak.

"Well, I started this to lose weight." I started to say.
"I don't think you need it . You are way too skinny." I giggled at his words.
"I may be now like this ,but, this isn't a thing that started now. I've done this since I was in high school. I wanted to be accepted by them. Even though I was but I still couldn't believe it. I wanted to be skinny and pretty. So one summer I started all this. One time a day eating. To add some pressure to my body so it will be in shape before school started,  I even did running , hiking , which was extremely tiring and when I got home I was dead and could barely walk,  also I did cycling. I lost a lot of weight. More then I could ever image. When I returned to school nobody could recognise me. The transformation was unbelievable. A lot of boys started to see me and compliment me. I got a lot of attention. I achieved  the thing that I started all this. But I wasn't conformable with my own skin. I was skinny but i still was unsatisfied with myself. I exhausted myself to the core , my body was in pain , so my parents started to not let me even go outside. If I would, I needed to have someone with me and they wouldn't let me run or do any sport. But that pain, I enjoyed it. Was the thing that allowed me to go on. Sure we had PE , I played with the boys basketball but wasn't enough. That's when I started to hurt myself just to feel pleasure." I stopped for a second. I could feel my eyes start watering. It's still hard to talk about it. Even though it was long time ago.
"Jess , love, you don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry , I didn't knew that this was such a hard thing for you. Let's talk another time." He said and gave me hug.
"No, I'll tell you this now. You need to know , you are my boyfriend after all now. And I don't know if I'll ever talk about it again. I don't like to talk about my past." I said and looked down.
"You can tell me anything , love. I'll always be here with you." He kissed my forehead and caress my back.
"So , in order to fill that empty place in my heart , I started to cut myself. Not to deep , just a little,  just so I could see the blood and feel the pain. It did hurt a lot. As the time went by , I started to cut more. I was addicted to it. I couldn't stop. My mind was a mess. My heart was empty. So one day I fought with my mom , for something,  I don't even remember now. So I told my mom that I hated her and I wished I was never born. I run to my room and I started to cut myself. I could hear my mom banging the door for me to open it. I hear my brother come with his fiance, he did the same as my mom. As  I was hearing them do so , I was cutting myself even more. At one moment , I think I cut to deep that my head started to spin. The last thing that I remember was my brother kicking the door open and holding me in his arms. Then all went black. I remember waking up in a hospital bed. My mom started to cry when she saw me open my eyes,  my brother had an angry look on his face, the doctors came and checked me and everything was in place but he requested to talk with my mom. After they got out of my room , my brother started to scream at me. And he didn't talked to me till I went and see a psychological. At the same time I didn't had much time I had started to date Xiumin. He was the one who helped me get though all of this things. I was diagnosed with depression but it wasn't too serious and it could get all better. As the time pass with the help of everyone I could manage to get over it. But sometimes even now after all this years, I feel like that depression is still there and I want to start to cut again. The only thing stopping me was my the promise,  that I won't cut or hurt myself,  that I gave to my brother and myself. " I didn't realise that I was crying till he gave me a hug and i heard my hiccups.