A Bouquet From A Man Who Never Loved Me

One

The Flowers Involved
Peonies: happy marriage
Pink Camellias: longing for someone
Forget-me-not: faithful love/undying hope
Daffodil: unrequited love
Jonquil: Affection returned

His lungs burned, but the burning felt cold. He knew if he didn't escape this session soon, he'd be kneeling over on the floor, his throat wheezing out things he didn't want them to see.
         The damn bouquet that grew in his lungs and rooted into his heart: the bouquet he called Fitz.
         He quickly shoved himself away from the table, narrowly missing fans that got too close out of worry. The balaclava was choking him...no, it was the flowers that were . Throwing off his helmet, much to his friends' shock, he ran as fast as he could; as fast as his lungs could handle, through the twisting convention hall. Bathroom. He needed a bathroom.
          Gaze foggy, Eric was dead set on finding the closest, and hopefully, a more private, bathroom. Spots clouded his sight as he panted heavily and he gasped for air.
         This was it. He was going to die because he loved a man that didn't know or love him back. Fuck this, he thought. Stumbling slightly through the crowds of other gamers and fans, he kept his head down. The petals were filling his mouth, and he so desperately wanted to pull down the stupid mask and let them flutter to the floor, but he knew he couldn't. Not now, in the midst of thousands. His privacy would be taken from him. The last piece of him that was truly his would be stripped away if he tried to clear his throat. He had to keep going.
          Behind booth one hundred and four, there it was. His saving grace. The men's bathroom. He hastily made a beeline for it, ignoring the small protests of one of the vendors at booth one-o-four.
           His hand slid against the grimy tiled wall as he fought to keep himself upright. A man dressed as a character from Rainbow Six with strewn props on the ground blocked his path. His finish line only a couple feet away and he was stuck behind a cosplaying man preening himself in the cracked mirror over the sinks. If it wasn't for his state and literal incapability to speak he would've chewed the man out for blocking the stalls. Instead he pushed passed him, with a pat on the back as a way of saying excuse me. He turned into the stall with a hasty glee, turning to twist the lock before he stripped the chain mail from his face.
          Dropping the metal headpiece to the floor with a small grimace, as it hit the dirty tiles with rapid clinks, he followed it by pulling the black balaclava over his head. Clutching the black fabric in his hand he fell to his knees in front of the toilet and let out a strangled gasp. This was an utter fucking nightmare. Two fingers in his mouth and he spit out petals of pink, yellow and blue, further and further he reached into his throat, his fingertips grazing over a flower bud at the base of his tongue and below the uvula. Before he could pull even the slightest, his gag reflexes kicked in; flowers, stems, and leaves exited his mouth with a gargled force. The colorful petals graced the toilet seat and the floor  with their wet presence, as he slumped backward. Chin in the air, his fingers slowly slipped from his throat.  Down his tongue went his calloused fingertips as they moved further to the base of his throat, where he placed his palm gently.
          The man he had seen as he had entered this grimy bathroom had left. He checked twice again, just as precaution, before beginning weep. His tears dampened his shirt collar as he knelt on the bathroom floor, shaking and feeling much more alone that he had ever felt before. Each and every time hurt more and more. And with more pain came more flowers. His throat burned from vomit and his heart ached for Fitz. He didn't want to do this alone anymore. He was terrified.
           The bathroom door opened with a heart stopping squeak. Eric went silent, quickly picking his body and chain mail from the ground, collecting it in his arms. He prayed that it was only someone who had come in to take a piss or whatever.

           His prayers weren't answered.

          "Swagger? You in here, buddy?"
       Toby. Of all people, he was glad it was Toby. Exhaling an audible sigh, he quickly flushed the toilet, sweeping off stray petals, before pulling over his balaclava. He wasn't going to take chances and put his chain mail back on, Toby was smart, he would guess that Eric had taken it off and then promptly question why he did.
          "Y-yeah, just a second." He replied a little too loudly, hoping he hadn't let too much of a gap go between exchanges. He heard Toby sigh with relief.
         "You alright in there? You left so suddenly and people said you looked awfully panicked, mate."
         "I-I'm fine," he stuttered, clearing his stinging throat, facing the closed door, "I'm fine." Another pause, "Yeah it was probably the takeout we had yesterday, I'll be out in a minute." Eric watched the floor as Toby shifted his balance from foot to foot.
        "Alright, well, me and the boys are going to the Bethesda panel that starts in about ten minutes, we can meet you there."
          "Sounds—" he coughed, "sounds good," He pulled down the mask from his nose, spitting out a daffodil petal. "I'll see you there."
          Eric's heart pounded with anxiety at each footstep Toby made as he exited the bathroom. Was he too obvious? Did Toby know? Oh god if he knew...
         The door squeaked again, telling him Toby was gone. Relief flooded over his body like icy water. But the relief was short lived as he started to unlock to shitty aluminum partition they called a door and looked down. Between his feet, the stray daffodil petal he coughed up laid there, as if it was mocking him. His heart sank.
       "Oh shit, oh fuck," he hissed to himself, stepping on it, hoping that if he pressed hard enough the evidence would just go away.
The chain mail rattled against the door as he bent over to swipe the now crushed petal from the ground.
       With bitter disdain, he glared at the wilted white bract and quickly shoved it into the pocket of his jeans. If Toby found out, it was going to be that stupid thing's fault.
       Fiddling with the lock again, he pulled roughly and it gave with a hardy clack. Stepping out of the stall, he carefully tugged the metal headpiece over his head and down his face. Running a hand down the cool metal links, smoothing them out so they wouldn't tangle, before wiping his red eyes slightly with the pads of his fingers. He felt a sense of pride. He had gotten through one of his worst cases yet, and not a single one of his friends knew. Well, unless Toby saw the petal on the floor; then he was a fucking goner.
          Turning away from the mirror, he let out a short yelp. Body now filled with the electric pulsing of adrenaline that coursed through his veins.

         "Jesus, Toby," he breathed. "You trying to kill me?"
          Toby stood straight from his place leaning against the wall. His heeled boots making him close to the same height as Eric.

          "I don't know, are you trying to kill yourself?"

        "Wh...what do you mean?" He asked, feigning confusion as best he could.

        "You know what I mean, Swagger." Toby said, extending his palm out. In his hand there was a single flower. A forget-me-not. Eric's breathing hitched in his throat, but he coughed over it.

       "So? A flower? What do you want me to do with it?"

      "Stop playing the idiot, Eric, you know what this is." Toby said sharply, knitting his brows together behind his glasses. "It was found in your helmet."

       "Sometimes I keep flowers in there, in case butterflies wanna come chill with me." He scoffed, "You know this Toby."
       Toby balled his hand into a fist, crushing the small blue flower in his hand, and thrusting his arm down to his side.
       "If you don't want to tell me right now, fine; but you and I both know what this means. I may not know the person, but it's either them, or you," he said, "and you're going to have to choose eventually."

• • •

And from the depths of hell I return, to post another stupid thing!
Welcome everyone, back to my page. I come bearing gifts
...well one gift
...from a discord server
...full of idiots.

But they're good idiots! I swear!

Anyway, yes, after some years of dissatisfaction and being off the grid I'm back, with new fandoms and two new stories I'll try to post from AO3.
Fan art credit to @imjustmelving on tumblr

Hope you guys stick around,
—Ozzie