sage | a warrior cats fanfiction

chapter twenty four

But it's not allowed.

He knew it wasn't allowed. He knew it couldn't happen. But it was. He did like toms. A wave of fury rose within him like the ocean slamming against the quaint shore of a pleasant beach. How come it had to be him? How come he liked toms? His tail flicked harshly and the tears that had been pricking at the edges of his vision vanished instantly.

The tom rose to his paws brusquely, looking around with a fiercely bright dark gray gaze. He was angry, at himself and at anything that had caused it to happen. His blood was boiling furiously as if someone had stuck him into a fire. His ears pinned to his skull as he swept his gaze around. He didn't want to be anywhere, but he certainly didn't want to be curled up like an idiot at the base of a tree.

He stalked forward, tail whipping, heading around a few bushes. His eyes narrowed at the sun that was peeking over the horizon, spreading light onto the path he crept upon. His pawsteps were quiet yet forceful as he pressed each paw down in synchronization. His ears had perked as if he'd expected to find prey, but they had obviously pinned tightly to his skull once more.

How come it has to be me? Why do I have to be like—

He stopped.

Vixenfeather and Milkfrost.

No. It wouldn't happen to him. He would be careful and ensure that nobody knew of his problem. He couldn't like toms but he couldn't stop it, so he'd just hide it. Pretend it didn't exist for him. Pretend he didn't like toms. He couldn't help the flow of thoughts that entered his head, though, but he could just try to block them out, right? He didn't want to like toms. He wasn't supposed to; it wasn't allowed.

He wasn't allowed to. It was as simple as that. One was just not meant to, so nobody did. He couldn't like toms but it wasn't really something he could just avoid, not any longer. It was just something to hide. Nobody could know. Not even Pantherleap. What if he turns on you? The thought echoed in his head, venomous and sharp in nature, and his lip curled as he stalked along and past the trees nearby.

He won't. He won't. And it doesn't matter because he won't know because I won't tell him.

Nobody could find out if he didn't tell anyone, right? There wasn't anything that happened to him when he figured it out, right? And there wasn't anything that he would do differently... He wouldn't go around telling anyone, if he found that he liked a specific tom he'd distance himself... Pantherleap. The tom kept bobbing up in his mind and Adderheart just didn't want to think about it.

He wanted to ignore it for as long as he could. He knew why he couldn't stop thinking about the leader's brother, as it had been an issue for a while, but the real solution had finally seemed to take place within his mind. And now that it was there, he didn't want to address it. The "solution" only caused him more headache. It wasn't really a solution. It was only adding fuel to the blaze.

And then, through the bushes limped Pantherleap.

Are you serious?

A spark of anger let the small piece of grass that was Adderheart catch fire. He swiftly guarded his dark gray eyes and let his tail flicker absently against the ground. Why had he come here? How long had it taken him to march all the way across the territory to get to him? I'm trying to ignore you. Leave me alone.

"...Adderheart?"

The voice was so soft, so gentle, so quiet. It was a shock to him that it was Pantherleap's, for it wobbled anxiously back and forth. It seemed to be teetering on the edge of a cliff that only the toms could see, because at the bottom was something that wasn't allowed.