BTS Imagines

Disillusionment of Four O'Clock

Author's Note: The title is based on the poem 'Disillusionment of Ten O'Clock' by Wallace Stevens. Furthermore, there is an allusion to suicide so read at your own caution.

Police calls never come at a convenient time nor do they bear good news, ruining a perfect sunset on the prelude to the evening designated for being with a beloved at least once a week, the pause in the hectic schedule allowing. Now, with the rapid manic buzzing of the phone in the faux leather clutch, the sole chance to be together before yet another concert takes the rapper away again for a continuation of the global tour with two other friends is nullified. However, both souls on the shore know what the routine call is about, even though the round-faced man has never been fully accepting of them.

In fact, even though leaving the thought unspoken to avoid tension in the relationship that is a haven of normalcy, the significance of a delinquent to an untainted soul has made the platinum-haired musician wonder more than once who is truly loved. Text messages indirectly asking for an answer to this dilemma always result in some type of not wholly fulfilling contact, howbeit in the form of a mere talk or bodily -sometimes intense - affection.

Jasper eyes turn away from the ever on-going ebb and flow of the vast ocean, look away from the peaceful scene to bask in before setting off to a nearby restaurant straying from the rest by the pier by not serving crab. It shall always remain an adorable feat of the baritone-voiced giant, holding such affection for so tiny a creature. 'It's him again, isn't it?'

A deep sigh goes accompanied by an acknowledging nod, confirming the suspicions aroused in the silence filled with the loud crashing of waves and unintelligible chatter made worse by the screeching of seagulls in the background. 'I'm sorry, Joon. I also wish it didn't happen right now, that he doesn't need me again, but he does.'

'Y/N, one day this has to stop. You've done all that you can and I get to see you so little already so imagine how it feels each time the phone goes over because of him.' A big tanned palm frames the cheek still staring at the sea which is warming up with the default shame that goes paired with placing a straying long-time friend before a steady future, guiding it gently albeit with a little force into a locking of gazes. 'This isn't the first time and won't be the last, I know. Yet, try to understand how I feel about this because one day I want for us to leave this city and find a quiet place devoid of paparazzi chasing scandalous gossip. When the glory fades, I want an apartment or house for the both of us which we can call home, maybe even start a family. However, we can't if this interference will persist.'

'Would you leave me because of it?' Sight goes hazy with triggered tears fearing the final straw has been reached in the relationship complicated by an illogically loved third party, a broken guy who is held dear in a friendly manner instead of the deeper version in which the ashen-haired rapper is. Nonetheless, Namjoon does not know the whole not always pretty history with Taehyung, thus unable to comprehend what is the essential value of the bond with the lawbreaker.

'No. No, of course not, babe. All I'm asking for is that you make this clear to him. That, at some point, you won't be able to come to his aid anymore.' The intonation suggests there is more to be said yet hapless plush lips remain silent after a bold attempt at speaking of the whispering scar inflicted at and which has continued to linger from the start. Notwithstanding, it has never been reopened vocally despite its becoming gradually graver condition nor will it now, so it seems.

Withal, after tonight the situation shall stop entirely with a farewell to solacing benefits. But not before establishing a firm hint that betrays knowledge of the true motivation for the innocently proposed request. 'That he won't be able to leave a trace on me anymore, you mean. Don't pretend to be ignorant, because I know you hate his scent on me.'