Love Is Real | Sarah x Ethan

Chapter 7 Sarah's P.O.V

     I gently shut the door behind me, trying to be as quiet as possible. I begin to walk away from the door, down the hallway, wondering where I should start looking for Tori.
     I decide to start in the kitchen and living area.
     "Maybe she just needed to step out for a second to take a breather, or something." I think to myself.
     I walk into Kendall's kitchen, seeing that she's not there. I then head into the living room, but she isn't there either. I stop, taking a moment to think about  where to look next.
     I head towards the bathroom, hoping she'll be there. I stand in front of the door, seeing the light is on and I have a feeling she's in there. I hear the muffled sound of breathing and maybe a little sniffling, but I'm not quite sure.
     I stand there for a moment, contemplating whether I should knock on the door to make sure she's okay, or just walk away and assume she's fine.
     Finally, I decide to knock on the door and make sure she's alright.
     Knocking on the door I say, "Tori? Are you in there?"
     The muffled sounds that I had heard before stop, and the only sounds that are left are the sounds of fingers tapping, probably her trying to cope with stress of some sort.
     "Tori, I know you're in there. Are you alright?" I say.
     I hear slight movements and a shuddered sigh before I hear a quiet, "I'm fine," that I can tell is forced.
     "Tori, can I come in?" I ask.
     I don't hear a response, at least not one in words. I do however, hear the heavy breathing, maybe even hyperventilating start up again.
     I wait a few minutes, listening to the sound of her sobs and breathing. Or should I say her lack of breathing, seeing as she seems to be breathing heavily and hyperventilating, all at the same time.
     I put my hand on the doorknob, turning it gently to see if it's unlocked. When the handle turns, I'm a little suprised, but I gently push the door open.
     Stepping into the bathroom, I look down to see Tori sitting on the floor, her back against the wall. I take a moment to look at her. She's shaking violently, her knees against her chest with her arms resting on her knees. She has her head buried in her arms, her sweatshirt muffling the sound of her sobs and irregular breathing.
     "Tori," I say.
     She looks up at me, finally realizing I'm in the room with her. Her eyes are bloodshot and there's tears rolling down her cheeks. She continues to shake violently and sob and breathe irregularly, all at the same time as she stands up.
     "S-Sarah! I-I can explain! I'm so s-so sorry! I- You shouldn't have to see me l-like this. I-"
     It finally gets to the point where she can't even speak anymore. The sadness and the panic has consumed her and it's like all she can do is stand there and cry and shake.
     I put my hands on each of her shoulders and I look at her.
     "Tori, it's okay. You're okay. Everything will be okay," I say, trying to calm her down.
     The hyperventilating and sobbing and shaking doesn't stop, but she can get one word out. Well, one word over and over again. And that word is, "No." She repeats it over and over again, but it's more like it she's muttering it than saying it. It's barely audible. It's kinda like she's trying to convince herself that she can speak rather than actually thinking about what she's saying.
     "Tori, look at me," I say, hoping that if she looks at me, she'll see in my eyes that I care about her.
     She continues to shake her head, muttering the same word under her breath in between sobs, the shaking never ceasing.
     I take my right hand off of her shoulder and put it under her chin, forcing her to look at me. The muttering stops and she looks into my eyes, continuing to cry, looking as if she's ashamed.
     I remove my hand from her chin, putting it back on her shoulder and saying, "Listen to me. You're okay. I'm here."
     I pull her into a hug, my arms wrapping around her back. She's a little hesitant at first, probably a little shaken from having a panic attack, but eventually she hugs me back. She continues to shake and cry and sob, but it starts to die down after a while.
     Eventually, the shaking is more subtle and the sobs are quieter and the crying is less prominent. I let go of her, and look at her for a moment. I've never seen her like this before, this vulnerable. Yes, she's come to me before in situations where she needed help and was upset and I've seen her cry before, but never like this.
     She sits back on the ground, her head resting on the wall and her knees pulled up to her chest. She runs a hand through her hair and I sit down next to her.
     "I'm sorry you had to see me like that," she apologizes.
     I take a moment to think about my response before replying with, "You have emotions and that isn't a bad thing."
     She looks down at the ground for a moment before sighing and leaning her head against the wall again, looking up at the ceiling.
     "Do you wanna talk about what happened?" I ask.
     I look at her, analyzing her facial expressions, looking for any clues as to what could have caused this.
     She puts her hand in the pocket of her sweatshirt and takes out her phone. She lets out a shuddering breath and looks at me.
     "If I tell you, you have to swear you won't tell anyone," she says, tears running down her face.
     "Of course. I swear," I promise.
     She looks around the room, as if someone were in here with us, watching us.
     "For a long time, these girls have been harassing me. It's been going on for so long, and I just don't know what to do about it," she explains, the crying continuing as she talks and she pulls up what looks to be texts from these girls.
     "What kinds of things do they harass you about?" I ask.
     She stops before answering, her voice quivering for a moment.
     "Telling me I'm fat or ugly or stupid. Commenting on my appearance or what they think my grades are. Telling me that I don't have any friends and making up reasons as to why no one wants to be friends with me," she says.
     Her voice is breaking and I'm afraid that she'll start sobbing again, so I move to where I'm sitting in front of her, and I hug her again.
     For a moment we just stay like that, neither one of use talking. Then, she pulls away and wipes her tears.
     "I'm okay. I'm just-" she doesn't finish her sentence. Instead, she just shrugs.
     "I know that isn't true, but I'm not gonna push you. But, do you mind telling me how long this has been going on for?" I ask.
     The ashamed look on her face returns and she looks away from me.
     "A long time. Like, almost since the beginning of the school year," she explains.
     "Tori, why didn't you tell me? Or Cameron? Or anyone?" I ask, putting a hand on her arm.
     "I was scared," she says simply.
     "Scared of what?" I ask.
     She looks back up at me with tears in her eyes again.
     "That you guys would leave me. That if I told anyone they would realize how much of a wreck I am and ditch me for someone better or that they'll hate me," she cries.
     "Tori, I've told you once and I'll say it again. There isn't anything that could make me hate you unless you were to like, murder someone," I explain.
     She laughs a little at that. I move back so I'm sitting beside her again, instead of in front of her.
     "Sarah?" she asks.
     "Yeah?" I reply.
     "Can we stay here for a second? I don't want Kendall or Cameron to know about this," she explains.
     "Of course. We can go back when your eyes are less bloodshot," I say.
     And for a while we just sit there. A comfortable silence between us because for once we finally understand each other. Maybe not completely, but to some extent. And that's all we can ask for.