Sleeping With My Bodyguard

Chapter. 11

My heart hammered inside my chest, pumping blood fastly through all my body. My breathing was shallow, uneasy as I tried to catch every oxygen take I can. Sweat was dripping from my forehead and my whole body was aching, begging to stop, but I couldn't.

I need to feel pain.

I think pain is great. Pain, makes us learn that even the smallest thing, gesture, the word can make us hurt, feel unbearable things. Later on, we become stronger, we learn from our mistakes not to feel the same pain twice...but sometimes, we forget the things who made us hurt. The things who make us run to our parent's beds, ignoring facts that we're adults, but we still search comfort inside people we love.

I didn't have the person who would take my pain away.

Martha was a close person, but she never filled the hole inside of my heart who belongs to my mom, the person who makes you safest when you scared or feeling pain because close person hurt you. I didn't have a mom. I didn't know what's the feeling to come home and feel warm from the tight hug when two arms wrap around your small body, making all fears and worries go away.

I always envied all my friends who would tell stories about their mothers, how they spend their day shopping, baking cookies or just watching simple TV. My heart would ache every time I would run through the park and see mother and daughters hugging each other. How they smile at each other.

I always wondered what my mom was like. Did she like watching the sun setting down? Did she like her coffee black without sugar or with sugar and cream? I always wondered what she likes, what she loves, what makes her happy... When I was little I asked my dad, but everything he did just huffed telling me to go to my room and forget what I asked.

Pain.

I didn't have a mother to take my pain away.

So I learned how to keep the pain inside of me. I learned how to become stronger on my own, I learn everything about myself on my own. That's why I always had a problem from letting people in and depending on them. I didn't trust them. I didn't know it's possible for other people to take my pain away, I feared on getting to close, to get quickly attached to them... so I did what I was best on.

I push everyone away.

I pushed before they could see all of my flaws and leave me... like everyone else did.

Of course, some people I trust, but always it's just in a friendly way. No feelings or something other attached. Fake it until you make it.

With a tip of my tongue, I brushed my upper lip, tasting salty sweat. I can feel my legs ache with every step I took, but I didn't stop, I'm not planning to stop for another mile. I tend to push my limits every time I run, I like to feel my lungs collapsing from lack of oxygen.

Stretching my arms I took a turn right and met with a gorgeous view at the lake. It was nice, the sun just starts rising which mean I running for a couple of hours right now. At night I couldn't sleep, every time I close my eyes I could see those light blue eyes who belong to one and only Maverick.

She haunting me not only in real life but in the dreams right now.

Thing is I didn't saw her for a couple of days.

Since the day she kissed me in the elevator, I didn't saw her. My dad told me she took a couple of days free because of family matters. I call bullshit. She doesn't want to see me. I'm not the only one who tends to run when things get too hard. She ran away from me. She ran before I could even ask why did she do that.

Right now, I am fuming at her.

She probably thought if she doesn't see me, I would forget everything and we could move on to being two stranger who has to be together because my dad hires her to protect me.