I lay down with with my blanket over my chest, and these are one of those nights your mind is in a constant war with itself. You just can't stop thinking and imagining about what is going to happen next.
I couldn't fall asleep even I try the counting sheep method, it is bullshit, it doesn't work. I picked up my phone, hoping that he dropped me a good night text or something and... he did.
Roy: Still up?
To be very honest, I don't even want to stay in this house any longer. The only reason why we came to China was because of my dad. Now that he is gone, why should my mum and I even stay.
Min:Mmhmm... what's up?
Roy: Do you want to meet at the convenience store behind your apartment? I just ended training and I am craving some Ramyeon.
Min: See you there.
Before I left, I went into mum's room to make sure that she is wrapped in profound sleep. She must be exhausted from all the crying and emotional rollercoaster. That woman that came the other day must have made my mum's pride drain from her cheeks, it must be so hard for her to deal with the fact that another woman is involved in this relationship for two. Now, I feel even more eager to leave.
Suddenly, my mind reminded me. What about Roy?
Roy was there at the convenience store before me. Just as I saw him, he look up from his phone and start waving at me. I sat beside him on the bar table and somehow I couldn't hold back my tears.
'Minyi, why are you crying?' he asked as he spin the high chair for me to face him.
I couldn't bottle up my feelings anymore, I had to let it all out. Before I could even stop my tears and start speaking.
Roy got up from his seat and gave me a warm hug.
For the first time, I didn't push him away. I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him even closer to me.
I was crying into his chest and he did not even ask a single question, he just run his fingers through my hair hoping that he is able to calm the war that is going on in my mind.
The pain from my heart will never be able to be expressed through my tears. No matter how hard I cry, it will never change the fact that dad cheated on mum.
When I begin to calm down, I explained to Roy the whole fiasco that happened earlier today. Roy has always been such a good listening ear and that really managed to help me keep my cool.
'I don't feel like going home today.' I said as I finished the last sip of my instant coffee.
'Then come over.' Wait, did Roy just invite me to his house, for the night? Should I accept his offer? What am I suppose to do?
'Ok.' I agreed.
I didn't know that he own another apartment on his own. His house wasn't too big, it was cozy and nice for just 1 person to live in.
'Let's play the Nintendo switch!' Roy suggested.
'Game on!'
We sat on the bean bag with a small table in front of us and he was leading in the game. I tried to distract him by pressing on random buttons. He held on to my hand and pulled me closer.
No, this isn't happening.
I could hear the Mario Karts crashing in the background but we didn't care.
Roy came in closer to me and we looked at each other with both fear and excitement. If I am really going to leave this country, I cannot have any regrets. I like him, I am so sure I do.
I went in for the kiss, It wasn't like the peck we had at the bus-stop. He hold on to my head in his hands and pulled me into a hot, passionate and fiery kiss. It was a full on opened-mouth type of kiss which is almost sexual. But, it was then that I realised I was longing for it because I love him so much. The next moment, he grabbed my hips and pulled me towards him. I could feel his hands work around my body.
When he carried me to his room and lay me down on his bed, we pulled apart and opened our eyes, we stared deep into each others eyes. We did not speak a single word and Roy leans in and kiss my neck softly. Roy leaned his back on the head board and I was sitting on his lap while kissing him with even more passion than before. I gently pulled his t-shirt above his head and he slowly removes mine. There were so many butterflies in my stomach and we stayed that way the whole night.
**************************************
It is 7am in the morning and I make it a point to leave before Roy is awake. I got a message from mum at 5am in the morning. I knew she wouldn't be able to sleep.
Mum: Minyi, come back home and pack your things ok? We will be taking the 12pm flight back to Singapore.
I knew it was coming, I knew going back to where I came from wasn't a choice it was just a matter of time. I wrote Xixi and Ning a long farewell message and told them not to let Roy or any of the boys know about this.
Roy still has his arms over my stomach, I tried to lift it gently and put it on the empty space which is where I slept hoping that he wouldn't be bothered by it. I picked up my clothes and quickly put them on.
Before I left, I admired his face for the last time and gave him a kiss on his forehead. I feel so evil for ending it in such a harsh manner. He deserves someone better.
When I reached the lobby of my apartment, Xixi and Ning were both crying harder when they saw me. I feel bad once again, and I should be feeling bad.
'Who says good-bye this way? What were you thinking man? Was this friendship a joke to you?' Xixi said as tears were flowing down her rosy cheeks.
'Don't go, Minyi...' Ning said as she is choking up on her tears.
I try to console both Ning and Xixi. It was also then that I realise I am really a bad person. Ning and Xixi spend the remaining hours with me by helping me pack my clothes and some of my belongings to bring back to Singapore.
By the time it was 10am, mum and I bid farewell to this house and all the awful memories that has been made there. Xixi and Ning followed me to the airport and it feels like time is really like an hourglass, it is moving so fast that I didn't even realise it was the to say good-bye to them as well.
Xixi, Ning and I had a group hug and both of them are now wailing hard on my shoulders.
'Both of you will always be in my heart. I will still come back for visits. So, don't miss me too much ok?' I said while trying to hold back my tears. I feel the both of them slowly loosening the hug, that's when I know I really have to go.
'Minyi, we got to go...' mum said as she pulled our hand carry luggage with both of our passports the other hand.
'You're really not telling Roy you're leaving?' Xixi asked.
'Mmm(nod)... because I love him, I only want to leave him with happy memories of the both of us. Actually, I want him to remember me as a dream. I want him to forget about me and find someone that love him way more than I did.' I said.
