Lustful Eyes (not edited)

16

Been divorced from Nikki for two months now, I got half custody of the kids but I got the house. I really didn't want it but Nikki said he was moving out to live with Brandi and his three kids. Who I later found out their Name's are Gunner, Strom, and Decker.

It killed me when I found out and when the divorce became finally he married Brandi within a week of our divorce like it didn't even matter. Our friends didn't see it coming, they never knew of Brandi and the other kids.

They were upset with how fast Nikki Married Brandi after we divorced but it is what it is.

So many nights I cried myself to sleep still thinking I am worthless that the only thing I am good for is to be a mom to Jaxon, Alex, and Ari. They are the only reason I keep going, the only reason I wake up every day and go on with my life.

I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child which I am not gonna tell Nikki. And I didn't need to cause I miscarried which added to my stress and depression. I still sing and that helps a little but not like it use to.

I go and visit Candy's grave and talk to her, tell her my troubles because she would always listen to me when I needed someone to talk. 

"Leia, oh my gosh I found you, girl where in the world have you been everyone is looking for you," Everly says and she walks over to me as I lay on Candy's grave and cry my heart out. I came here today after I dropped the kids off at Nikki's and Brandi's.

She lifted me up and held me as I continued to cry

"It's not fair Eve," I said

"I know Hunny, I know it's not fair and I am so sorry."

I sniffled and wiped my eyes and used the inside of my shirt the dry my face.

"I didn't mean for everyone to panic I just wanted to talk to Candy since I dropped the kids off at Nikki's

"Are you kidding me, Leia, you disappear after dropping our kids off, and make Everly who is freaking pregnant panic when you don't answer her calls, that she calls everyone and to see if they saw you," Nikki says as he walks closer

"Back off Nikki, I don't need this right now" I shot back

"No you do, you stressed a pregnant chick," he said

"Yeah well I rather stress one out and then  miscarry" I replied

"who miscarried?"

 "Me you fucker," I said getting out of Everly's arms and stood up and walked off

"Who was the lucky guy?"

 "The baby was your's from the very last time we had sex," I said then left

I was not gonna stand there and listen to him jump my case I when there to talk to my friend and vent about what has been going out but that went down the shitter.

I went to Denny and got myself a nice big shake to calm my nerves and to relax. which would be the first time ever since shit happened that I would be relaxed and my nerves calm.

After I finished and paid my bill I headed home and went right to bed and slept the rest of the day away.

The next day when I woke a felt somewhat better then I have ever felt. I stripped my bed and started to do laundry. I was halfway through my clothes when someone rang the doorbell. I walked out of the laundry room and headed for the door.

They kept ringing and ringing the bell until I opened the door.

I rolled my eyes when I saw Nikki

"What are you doing here it's your time with the kids"

"They are having fun with their brothers and sister," he said

"You left my kids with Brandi?"

"They are my kids too and yes I did, they like her and she loves them"

I stood there blocking the doorway.

"You gonna let me in or what?"

 "No, you can stand right there and tell me what you want, you don't need to come inside to talk after the shit you pulled at my friend's grave."

He sighed and took a while to gather his thoughts I assume

"Look either say what you wanted to say or get off my doorstep."

"I made a huge mistake"

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that, what did you just say?"

He looked at me

"I said I made a huge mistake."

"How?"

"I left the best thing that ever happened to me"

"What your studio?"

"No, I left you, I cheated on you and I married Brandi."

"Well first off I am not a thing I am a human being, second no shit I am the best thing that happened to you apart from your kids. how long did it take you to figure out your mistakes?"

"Your gonna ride my ass on this aren't you?"

"You bet your ass I will. After the shit that I went through when you left. I am not forgiving you that easy."

"I don't even know what all happen to you since I left," he tells me

"No one but some of our friends, the kids, and doctors know and they won't tell you because I made them swear not to tell and it's against the law for a doctor to give out a patients information without the ok."

"How am I suppose to fix this then huh?"

"You're a smart kid you'll figure it out."

"Not a kid, clearly as you know that and can see," he remarked

"You called me a thing so I got you back by calling you a kid."

"Yep, leaving you was the biggest mistake I have made."

"Well you came and said what you wanted I said what I did so now you can go, I am busy. and don't forget to bring the kids back before two tomorrow " I said then shut the door and went back to what I was doing.