Road To The Moon [one-minute stories]

Dear Daddy Depression

Dear Daddy Depression,

The first month I didn't believe it. You are the one who raised me to be a fighter after all.

The second month I didn't know what to believe, with your talk of hackers, black cars and suspicious noises.

The third month I was too afraid to believe it, when you became so weak you hardly looked like the man I once called father.

The fourth month I had to face it when you started to give up on life. I didn't know what you were feeling, couldn't possibly imagine the pain you went through. All I knew is that I didn't want to lose you.

The fifth month I became the warrior I thought you needed. I didn't cry in front of you, never showed weakness in front of you and only spoke of hope and happiness in a future I couldn't possibly guarantee.

Throughout the sixth and seventh month, I kept up the facade, refusing to admit defied although there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow you'll feel better, I said. Once you've gone outside it will be easier, I said. Come with me, smile with me, I tried it all but nothing changed.

The eighth month I fell down and let your demons consume me. Not the sun on my face, nor the laughter of a child brought me joy. I let it use and abuse me until thoughts of suicide invaded my mind. I was being held underwater by the feelings I feared most and in those depths, I saw you. But my fears wouldn't let me reach out to you, shame and regret made me unable to keep you afloat without drowning myself.

That's when it hit me. Going down with you wasn't going to help you, so much as it would consume me. There was no sacrifice I could make, no grand gesture I could perform that would break the spell of depression over you and bring back my father. Because depression is not an illness that can be broken with one cure. I can not see into your mind or take the depression away from you by being happy or sad. My yelling, pleading and crying won't chase away the black dog you see standing over you.

All I can do is stand by your side as you take the medicines and go to the treatments. Wait as the days go by where you can't find the energy to leave your bed. And support you in each small step you take.

Your smiles are fleeting. Your good days far apart. But I cherish every single one of them.
They are the sparks that ignite the hope within, that one day I will once again see the man I call father. The man who lived life to the fullest. Who was always there for others. The man who raised me up when I was down.

Please, forgive me when I cry or get mad at you for sometimes my fears will drown me still, but know that no matter what happens I will always stay by your side. Because I believe you're a fighter, you thought me how to be one. And you don't have to be ashamed of your fears, I have them too.

Dear Daddy Depression, you're not alone. I'll always be here loving and supporting you with all my heart.

Love, your daughter

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Wordcount: 697

A/N: This is the hardest thing I've ever written, since it's just me in all my vulnerability.

As some of you might know, my father has been struggling with depression during and after he fought cancer. I'm currently still in this situation, and although he's doing much better and has the help he needs there is still a long way to go. I have hope and in a way it helps me to stay honest and open about it, because I'm not alone. So many people struggle with depression and their loved ones also stand by. So, to all those out there in similar situations, I know it's hard but don't lose hope. Stand by your loved ones, they need you more than you can imagine.