Chapter 19 – Under the Sea
In which Chris and Darren dispense dating advice…
…
It was impossible for Chris to tell how much time had passed before he regained consciousness. The last thing he remembered was the feeling of Darren’s hand clutched in his own as the two of them plummeted toward the ocean. Flexing his fingers experimentally, he could still feel his friend’s grip.
Chris slowly opened his eyes, and shook Darren awake. They found themselves in a large bubble of air in an underwater grotto. Swimming all around them were strange and beautiful creatures that appeared to be mermaids dressed up as cheerleaders.
“Oh good, you’re awake,” a familiar voice called out.
“Brittany?”
“Well, I guess that is my name, but most people just call me the Little Cheermaid. And you’re dolphins, right?”
“Dolphins?”
“Yeah, you know – gay sharks. Like barracudas are gay piranhas.”
“Oh, right. Well –” Chris began, but Brittany cut him off.
“Or maybe you’re a unicorn. Did you used to be a pony? ‘Cause when a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn, and he becomes a unicorn, and poops out cotton candy, until he forgets he’s magical, and then his horn falls off. I don’t see your horn, but you do seem kind of magical… I'm also a unicorn. Maybe a bi-corn. Either way, I'm starting to believe in my own magic.”
Chris could feel his eyes beginning to glaze over, but Darren was clearly onboard with Brittany’s convoluted version of conversation. “Oh, yeah, he’s definitely a unicorn. Or maybe a wood nymph. Or some other kind of totally awesome magical creature.”
Chris decided to derail this runaway train of thought. “So, Brittany – or, uh, Little Cheermaid, if you prefer – do you happen to have the saber from the deepest sea lying around?”
Brittany gazed about her underwater home before beginning to sing:
Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove, treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty!
YOU ARE READING
The Land of Stories: Gleefully Ever After
FanfictionChris Colfer, bestselling author of The Land of Stories, finds himself (along with Darren Criss, who is unwittingly responsible for this perplexing state of affairs) transported into the world of his imagination…with a few Gleeful differences.
