Attraction is a bitch. Seriously, it never works the way you want it to. It didn't make me crave all the girls my mom tried to hook me up with in high school. It doesn't make me like the easy fucks I pick up at the bar sometimes. But it does make me attracted to one person that I really shouldn't be. It's wrong. It's immoral. It makes it really hard to teach sometimes. Because not only is this person my hormones are cruel enough to make me attracted to male...He's one of my students.
Oh, I tried to deny it at first. For about one hour. After all, he caught my eye the first day that I stumbled in with a hangover. I do not recommend doing that on your first day of teaching at a new school...Old school...I had never taught before. The whole day had just been crap and I was not looking forward to the rowdy last hour bunch. Then my eyes landed on him and my breath caught. I really can't explain it, but something in the way he looked, the way he was looking at me, had me hypnotized.
Maybe it was the innocence in his wide eyes that I could tell was an illusion. The kid reeked of cigarette smoke. Or maybe it was the silver hoop threaded through his full bottom lip. I could have been caught by the loop of hair curling around the right side of his face or the large gauge in his ear. Or maybe it was all of those things combined. That must be it. That, and so much more.
Through taking role I discovered his name: Frank. Frank Iero. Such a plain name for such an extraordinary person. My still slightly drunk brain made it really difficult to remember where my papers were. It didn't make any sense, because I had handed them out all day. I could tell the students were making fun of me behind my back, but I couldn't be bothered to care. I recognized some of them from senior year when they were eighth graders, so I could always just pick on them.
Once located I passed them out without going through the bullshit of reading it out loud. I know they don't care and won't pay attention to the rules. I really only wrote them because it's required for the job. Next I gave them the same shitty assignment as the rest of the classes: Draw what you're feeling. Even I think it's bogus, just an idea I got off the internet. So I wasn't surprised that most of the kids turn theirs in really soon.
Once I see everyone chatting away I start rifling through the papers. Boobs. Naked woman. Crappy heart filled paper. Crappily drawn smiley face. These were the recurring themes. I was a little confused as to why so many guys felt like naked women, but decided not to bring it up. Then I got to one really interesting picture. It wasn't drawn the best, but I could tell what it was. A teenage boy holding his dick in his hand with his head thrown back in obvious pleasure.
I peeked and the back of the paper to discover that it was Frank's paper. I saw an opportunity and took it. When the rest of the kids were filing out after the bell I called him back to my desk. I asked him about the picture and he shrugged, feigning nonchalance. He went on to explain that he was horny. I figured that that was a normal thing. I probably would have been thinking the same thing four years ago. Still, imagining him in the vulnerable position of the boy in the picture...Let's just say I didn't want to get up from my desk too quickly.
I decided to show him the other pictures, just between the two of us. He laughed at the apparent single-mindedness of the class. He has a nice laugh. I told him I was proud of him, because the emotion in his picture was pretty obvious. Whereas the others I had to guess. He thanked me and I dismissed him. He left with a smile on his face. I locked my classroom door to take care of the problem he had given me...
It was going to be a good year.
Notes
here is a glimpse into gerard. i like feedback! i mean...what?
