Raindrops | Poetry

suicide note

you're in this all alone
so it's best to let the curtains fall finally
the audience has left you see
no one's here to witness a suicide
there's nothing beautiful about it
all that it is is a car speeding towards a cliff
you don't know what's beyond it
you don't know what's behind you
all that you know is that this will be a fullstop
there isn't going to be a semicolon this time
to save you from killing yourself
as you speed towards it
your breath caught in your throat
your head feeling like you're underwater
you apologize to everyone you could
i'm sorry my anxiety ruined your day
i'm sorry i cheated on you with depression
i'm sorry your daughter is too sad to write that test
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry
it's funny how your suicide note
looks like an apology note now.
the cliff's nearing,
you tell yourself to forgive all the people as well,
because no one is your fucking therapist,
they didn't deserve all those
depression, anxiety, insomnia, bulimia
big, mouthful of words,
no wonder people choke on them.
you wonder how it must feel to those
who have to eat them for breakfast lunch dinner
you know how it feels
you know it all too well;

i hug this poem close to my heart
pull back and let it go
i cannot let my trauma define me anymore
the urge to write a poem won over
the urge to write a suicide note
i know not if it's healing or not
but i know it's a beginning
beginnings are happy aren't they
i know they are
i'm grateful for this
i'm grateful for
not giving up on myself.

author's note:
(it'll a very long author's note, but I'll be grateful if you'll read this)
every forty seconds, someone commits a suicide. by the time you've finished reading this, someone ends their life.

people think that after they end their life, nothing changes, that the sun still revolving, the stars still shine, the world goes about as it should. FUCK NO. fuck those people who tell you this. you wanna know what happens when you end your life?

your best friend stops eating for a week, thinking, rewinding, wondering where she could have saved you.

your mother hugs your sweater too tightly and forgets what to breathe for days.

your teacher stares at the seat where you used to sit, reread your essays and think why didn't you ever tell her anything.

the person who goes on the bus with you thinks of you. the hundreds of students who maintain a one minute silence for you in the assembly mourn for you.

do not tell me no one cares! people do care. and even if no one cares, your worth doesn't lessen a bit. you're still fucking precious and beautiful and amazing and kind. you have so much to give this world, please do not let that stop you.

about the song in the media section:
1-800-273-8255 by logic ft. alessia cara, khalid ~
i had heard about the song, never knew what the digits in the song title meant. so, yday, i finally heard it. and I'm so grateful for such a song to be made. if you go through the comments in the music video, you'll see how many are hurting, healing. you'll see life naked, bare and how music binds us, how, in all that pain, there's light.

// below are excerpts from an article //

In a series of tweets following the song's release back in April, Logic explained what inspired him to write "1-800."

"Over the years so many of you guys have told me that my music helped you through so many tough times," he wrote. "Many of you have told me it's even saved your life... But I felt I haven't done enough. I felt compelled to make a song that could actually help you."

So that's exactly what he did. On April 28, 2017, the day the song was released, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline received 4,573 calls. It was the second-highest total in the organization’s history, after the day Robin Williams died.
(a/n: im crying 😭)

// source: elite daily //

if you need help, please please please seek some. trust me, it's not cowardice. it takes a lot of bravery to ask for help and it helps. it does, trust me.

if you're in India and need help, here is a helpline you can call.
02227546669

here is the number of American National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
1-800-273-8255

also, my friend, Shivangi, has created this amazing page about mental illnesses. it is a reallyyyyy great page. i'm sure you'll get to learn how to take care of yourself and your loved one suffering from mental illnesses and understand how beautiful life is.
follow projectitsnotaphase

take care, guys. you all are beautiful. remember that.