The Epitome of Me

Chapter Seven: Me Thinks She Doth Protest Too Much

When I woke up, Alex's face was inches from my own. My arm was slung over her torso and I quickly pulled it away, being careful not to wake her up. Don't panic, I thought to myself. Of course, telling myself not to panic just made it worse. I couldn't control my breathing; I was laying in Alex's bed! Her lips were slightly parted and every breath she let out made a little buzzing noise. It was adorable.

Before I knew what I was doing, I brushed some hair out of her face and smoothed it back. Her hand came up to cradle mine as I grazed her cheek. "Good morning," she smiled, her eyes fluttering open. My heart was back at it again, rapidly beating against my ribcage. I tried to pull my hand away, but Alex linked her fingers in my own and smirked.

"Alex, what—" I was going to ask what she was doing, but she cut me off quickly.

"Oh my god, stop talking!" She laughed. I wasn't sure what was so funny. I was stunned. "You talk far too much. Talking complicates things, let's not talk." I bit my lip to keep myself from saying anything else. Was this her way of telling me that she liked me? She was still holding my hand and she guided it to the back of her head, letting go. She then grabbed my chin and pulled my face towards her own.

When our lips connected, it was like igniting a stick of dynamite. The whole world melted away and every thought in my head that wasn't about Alex disappeared. She was kissing me, and I was kissing her and it felt so right. Until I remembered that life isn't a movie and this was too good to be true. "Alex," I sighed, pulling away. "What are we doing?"

"We're making out." She said, looking at me like I was crazy and leaning back in to continue. How was she so okay with that? I needed definition, labels, safety and all she wanted was to live in the moment. It was a foreign concept to me. All of this was.

"Well, no duh." I rolled my eyes, turning onto my back to avoid her lips. Don't get me wrong, it was tempting to fall into her insouciance, but it wasn't me. "But what are we doing? Are we just making out because I'm here and you know I like girls? Or do you actually like me? Because I'm not the type to—" Again she cut me off, this time looking disgruntled.

"Jesus Christ, Jamie! Can you just shut up and kiss me?" Alex asked in exasperation. "I like you, okay? But I don't do labels, so let's just keep this simple for now and figure the rest out later." I should have been happy to hear that the girl I had a crush on liked me back, but instead, I focused on how hollow I felt without the comfort of being put in a box.

"I ... I'm sorry, I can't," I whispered, sitting up and preparing to get out of her bed. It was a mistake to let myself get so close, so fast. This was my fault.

"No, I'm sorry." Alex sighed, joining me in a seated position. "The truth is, I've never been with anyone officially before, and we've only known each other for a few days. I'm just scared that if we rush into a relationship we'll end up breaking up in a week anyway." I looked at her, but she looked away. There was a tear making its way down her cheek and I wiped it away gently. I hadn't realized that we were in the same boat. We could move slowly, ease into things so neither of us would scare off the other.

"So we'll give it a week, and if we still feel this way we'll label it. If not, no hard feelings and no 'break up'. How does that sound, doll?"

"If this is gonna work, you're gonna have to stop calling me things like doll." Alex grinned, planting a kiss on my cheek. I was beyond happy, I couldn't believe she liked me. Or that she'd want to kiss me. The room was spinning, that's how ecstatic I was.

Then my mind crept back to reality and I looked at the clock Alex had on her desk. It was 9:30 am, where was my phone? I jumped out of Alex's bed and ruffled through my clothes to find it, unlocking it. 20 missed calls and 100 texts from Elgin. "Crap," I muttered, sliding my jeans on absently. In my haste, I had forgotten that I was still wearing Alex's shorts as make-shift pyjamas.