The Epitome of Me

Chapter Eleven: The Kids Are Alright, Right?

Alex and I had been walking around the mall for a while, hand in hand. It felt good not to care what other people thought. I had never felt so proud to be with anyone in my life. That is until Alex quickly dropped my hand. I looked at her in confusion, but before I could say anything someone called out her name.

"Alex?" A group of kids our age walked towards us. A small girl with fiery red hair smiled and pulled Alex into a hug. "Hey! How's it going?" Alex looked like she might throw up, but then swallowed it back and tried to smile.

"Oh hey guys," She seemed uncomfortable and I could have sworn she stepped slightly farther away from me once her friend let her go. What was her deal? For someone who was usually so confident, she was acting very reserved.

"Who's this?" One of the guys gestured at me with a smirk. I didn't have a chance to say anything. Alex gave a nervous laugh.

"This is my friend Jamie. We met when we both got stupidly suspended." Seriously? Friend? I looked at Alex, perplexed, but she was avoiding my eye contact. I was fuming; smoke was practically about to come out of my ears.

"Sick! I'm Keegan," the same guy extended his hand to shake mine but I was frozen in my place. He was classically handsome with straight teeth and a mop of blonde hair. I could see why someone dared Alex to date him. It made me feel awkward.

I felt an elbow in my ribs and my head snapped in Alex's direction. She nodded her head in Keegan's direction and my heart plummeted into my stomach. "I—I have to go," I mumbled, following my feet at a pace faster than sound. I pushed past the group clumsily and I could hear the confused muttering as I ran away.

Somehow, I made it to the bathroom before I started to break down. What was happening? Alex was the one who didn't want a relationship. I guess I should have known that she wouldn't tell her friends...did they even know she was gay? Doubtful. Or not? Angry tears were streaming down my cheeks and I swatted them away. I was not about to get heartbroken over a relationship that had barely even started. What was my issue? We were sixteen, of course she was afraid to be out.

The door to the washroom opened and I glanced at it, hoping it was an old lady with good advice or something. It wasn't. It was Alex, in all her stupid glory. I wanted to punch her, but I also didn't. Instead, I turned back to the mirror to stare at my ugly reflection. "You're an ass," I said thickly.

"I know," Alex sighed quietly. "I'm sorry." She was standing right behind me and I looked at her through the mirror. "My friends ... they know I have problems with commitment. I haven't had the chance to tell them about you yet. I panicked, J. I'm sorry; I really am." Even though it wasn't about me, I was still mad.

"You should have just told them. They would have understood!" I shouted and turned to look her in the face. There was more panic in them than I had realized.

"You don't know that!" She cried back, her eyes watering madly. She blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek. "You don't know ..." She wept softly, sliding to the floor. I sat beside her and pulled her into a hug. I knew this outburst wasn't about her commitment issues, it was about her fear. Things are real when you say them aloud. I understood that fear.

The door swung open, yet again, and the redhead from earlier entered. "Oh." She frowned, kneeling in front of Alex. "Hey love, don't cry." The girl whispered, squeezing Alex's knees.

"Jamie is my girlfriend." Alex blubbered into my shoulder. I was sure there was snot in my hair, but at that point, I didn't care. Redhead burst into laughter and rested her head on Alex's knee.

"That's what all this is about?" She stared into Alex's eyes and smiled. "I thought that maybe Jamie here was afraid of Keegan or something. We can work with girlfriend." I couldn't see Alex's face, but I had a feeling she was dumbfounded.

"B-but...huh?" She sputtered. "And...you don't hate me?"

"How could I hate you, Alex? You're my best friend. So you like girls, why should that matter? You're still you." The girl had a point. I admired her for being so calm and collected, given the fact that Alex and I were tear-stained and shaking.

After we cleaned ourselves up, the three of us walked out of the bathroom to meet back up with Alex's friends. I found out the redhead was named Ava, one of the friends Alex had told me about on the way to the mall earlier. I should have guessed, but there was a lot going on.

"Guys, I lied," Alex said with a big gulp of air. "Jamie is my...girlfriend." She said, linking her fingers in mine and smiling anxiously at me. I smiled back, hoping it was reassuring.

"Wow!" Keegan smirked. Holding out his hand towards one of the other guys, he said, "Ben, you owe me 20 bucks." Ben begrudgingly reached into his pocket and pulled out a wrinkly bill.

Taylor intercepted it and shoved it into his own pocket. "The only one taking money from my little bro is me. Sorry, not sorry, Keegan." I couldn't help but giggle at the boys' banter. It was refreshing to be around people that got along so well.

"Welcome to the gang," Ava sighed with a smile. I had passed their initiation!

It was hard to believe that Alex and I had just had our first fight. We resolved it so easily, it almost didn't even seem real. When we left the mall, we were holding hands again and singing like we were in a movie.

"Hey, J," Alex said when we got into her car. "I'm sorry." I looked at her and she smiled weakly. I didn't want to dwell on it all because I knew that she meant it.

Instead of saying anything, I leaned over and kissed her. The feeling I got when our lips touched sent a tingle down my spine and I wanted more...but I knew that it was too soon. So I broke away and stared into her eyes. There was as much longing in them as I felt.

Alex cleared her throat and said, "We should get you home, huh?" All I could do was nod and return to my seat, pulling my seatbelt across my body.

The car ride home was quiet. The air was thick with some kind of tension, and I hoped it wasn't the bad kind. "Alex," I finally said when she pulled into my driveway. "we're okay." I wanted it to sound convincing, but I was also questioning its truth.

"I know, J." She gave me a half-smile and put the car in park. It was relieving to hear her agree with me. "I'm so not used to fights ending well ... But you and I, we can have whole conversations without words and that's terrifying." 

"I know what you mean." I giggled, taking her hand. "It's like you read my mind. I think I have so much to say and then I talk to you and it's abundantly more simple than I thought it was inside my head." We stared at each other for a long time, just taking each other in. 

Somewhere in my gut, I knew that Alex wasn't going anywhere. It scared me but also comforted me. Without another word, Alex leaned in and kissed me. With one hand, she undid both our seatbelts and the other cupped the side of my face. She guided my body closer to hers and we broke apart only to let our seatbelts pass over our heads.

I climbed onto her lap and managed to lean the seat back so that we could make out more comfortably. This was a new experience for me. I'd never kissed a girl before Alex, and there I was exploring her mouth with my own. We were hungry for each other, pressing our bodies closer and closer together until there was a tapping on the window that made me jump so high that I bumped my head on the roof. It hurt like hell.