I can't breathe
when I look at you
I can feel my heart racing
in my chest
and when I try to speak
I stumble over my words
So unclear, stuttering from fear
Nothing comes out that you could ever hear
And you'll never know
just how I feel inside
and you'll never see
how my world changes when you smile
Step back step back step back
I'm having a panic attack
Deep breath deep breath deep breath
Holding on until there's nothing left
Step back step back step back
this time this time
I won't cry
When you look at me
everything changes nothing's the same
Whenever you sing
I can feel the tears
streaming down my face
Step back step back step back
I'm having a panic attack
Deep breath deep breath deep breath
Holding on until there's nothing left
Step back step back step back
this time this time
I won't cry
No I won't cry
I won't cry
this time
Note: I have struggled with anxiety most of my life but in the past year I sometimes can't even get out of bed because my depression and anxiety have both gotten so bad. Along with the fact that no one knows that I am gay in my family. I am on meds but they never seem to help and they always really just make it worse. I go to about four therapists desperate for help and nothing results except more people pain. I even resorted to suicide as an option about 6 weeks ago. I am doing a bit better now but everything is still a huge struggle. I am scared sometimes that I'm not going to wake up the next morning. So I sit in my bed and stare at the wall instead. The only time I really feel calm is when I'm with my friends and playing my music. My piano was my grandpa's whom I lost in the January of my sixth grade year. I am now heading into my sophomore year of high school. I miss him so much and the piano is the only place where I really feel connected to him. Does that sound crazy?
Anyways sorry for the ranting.
If anyone ever needs to talk my DMs are open.
Happy Pride Month 🏳️🌈
Jules ❤️
YOU ARE READING
My Song Book
PoetryI write a song every day as a journal of sorts. It helps me cope I guess you would say. I post them on the app called Rhymers Block. Some of them are very personal and based on what is going on in my life at the time, while others just come to my mi...
