You're stuck in denial // Campbell Eliot

cold heart

In my heart, in this cold heart
I can live or I can die
I believe if I just try
You believe in you and I

-cold little heart, michael kiwanuka

Campbell looked at the sleeping girl next to him and sighed. Why did he want her so much? What was drawing him to her, like a moth to a flame? Maybe he was finally tired of being alone, of everyone being afraid of him. His pride wouldn't allow him to say these things out loud, but he had been feeling this way recently, and had no one to tell. He chose to be a recluse, off the grid, and not maintain any close connections. The closest connection he had was to his half brother, and even that was strained. He pushed off the bed as quietly as possible so as not to wake Kelsey, who slept peacefully on the bed. He wetted his lips looking at her in one of his shirts, hair strewn across the pillow, a smile on her sleeping face. He shut the door quietly behind him and made his way downstairs. He slid on his Vans and stepped onto his porch, grabbing a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it up. He took a long drag, enjoying the burn of the smoke in his lungs.

He knew Kelsey would be pissed at him for missing their date. He knew he fucked up, but Sam needed him. Sam didn't ask for help often, and Campbell rarely offered it, but when Becca had called him, frantic with fear, he changed his mind this once. He went over to Allie's house where Sam had been staying, and discovered it was nothing more than the flu. Campbell was pissed to say the least, and rushed to Kelsey's house afterwards. Upon her not being there, he went to Harry's house where he saw her. She looked so fucking good, those tight jeans, her small body swaying with the music. She was angry, but that hadn't mattered in the end; she was putty in his hands. He puffed the cigarette one more time before tossing it to the ground and stomping it out with the toe of his shoe. He should probably check on her after how the night ended.

*

The rain slapping against the window woke Kelsey. The weather seemed especially bad today, a crash of thunder vibrating the floor. She opened her eyes slowly, blinking a few times to clear the sleep from her eyes. She felt sticky and ached all over, wincing as she tried to sit up. She didn't know where she was, and it took all of brain power at the moment to deduce her location. The room was neat, almost too neat, as she peered around. She realized she wasn't wearing the clothes she had worn out last night and her underwear were missing, so she started to panic. She swung her feet over the bed and listened, but heard no movement in the house. She spotted her black underwear on the floor and quickly made a move to grab them, snatching them and pulling them on. Her head was throbbing when she looked back up and saw a picture on the dresser of what appeared to be Campbell and his brother Sam on the first day of high school. I'm at Campbell's, she thought, the events from last night flooding in. She put her head in her hands out of embarrassment, the memory of Campbell and her, then getting sick. She groaned, deciding she needed to leave and probably never see him again, but first, she needed to find her jeans.

The shirt she was wearing went mid-thigh, definitely not appropriate to make the journey back to her house in the cold weather; she would text Elle or Kelly to see if they could give her a ride. She was also slightly concerned as to how she changed into this outfit, something she'd figure out later. She looked around for her phone, groaning again when she realized it was in her bag, which was downstairs. As quickly and quietly as she could, she stood up and made her way to the bathroom. She wanted to look semi-decent in case Campbell was still here, but almost gave up when she saw her reflection. Her hair was sticking out in all directions and her mouth tasted like sour alcohol. She cursed, realizing there was no hairbrush to fix her rat's nest of hair, so she combed her fingers through it, smoothing it down. This would have to do for now, she thought as she pulled down the shirt and made her way downstairs. Just her luck, Campbell was downstairs leaning against the kitchen counter, coffee mug in hand. She inhaled at the sight of him, the way his fingers flexed around the mug, his earring glinting in the light. She wetted her lips and descended the rest of the stairs.