You're stuck in denial // Campbell Eliot

bad, bad news

Bad, bad news
One of us is gonna lose
I'm the powder, you're the fuse
Just add some friction

-my strange addiction, billie eilish

2 years, 2 years since the beginning of New Ham and a new life. It felt like yesterday that Kelsey was thrust into an unknown world where she was forced to choose between life and death. What happened to graduation, going to college?-

The alarm started blaring, pulling Kelsey from her thoughts and back to reality. It had been the 5th night in a row where her dreams were filled with what-ifs. What if she had ended up going to prom with her boyfriend? What if she went to her dream college? What if she fell in love again? She groaned and slammed her hand on her phone, silencing the alarm. She sat up, another day another dollar, she thought without humor. It was her rotation in the hospital today, her job not changing in the foreseeable future due to her medical experience.

Kelsey moved to the edge of her bed, grateful when her feet hit the floor and didn't step on a body. It was only recently that she had been granted a room of her own. She loved Elle dearly, hell, she was pretty much her sister, but it was nice to have some moments of silence before the day began. Kelsey looked over to the picture frame on her nightstand, kissing her fingertips and placing them gently against the glass.

Her boyfriend, Jared, had died last year in an exploration to see what was out beyond New Ham. It had been an accident, the ground being wet and slick from the constant rain, and the rocks being sharper than ever due to a lack of industrialization. When one thinks of a deathly accident they think of a five-car pileup, or a mass shooting, but Jared had merely slipped and hit his head on a rock, ending his life in mere moments. Kelsey wept for days, which slowly turned into months. A hole was punched into her heart and it felt like she would never recover. Jared was her life, her everything, and he was taken away just like that. Kelsey had been sad at first, then angry, and eventually numb. She believed that feeling nothing was better than feeling the pain of losing her lover and best friend.

Kelsey sighed and stood, heading towards the bathroom to shower before work. She shed her oversized t-shirt and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She thought she looked quite average, light brown hair falling straight down past her shoulders, green eyes, a smattering of freckles on her cheekbones. Jared had insisted she was beautiful day in and day out, but lately she wasn't feeling very beautiful, given the fact that she had put minimal effort into her appearance. She would eventually put her hair back at the hospital and sweat through layers of makeup, so why bother making them perfect? She let the hot water scald her skin, enjoying the warmth it provided compared to the frigid temperatures outside. When she finished, she dragged a brush through her brunette hair, put her scrubs on, and slapped a smile on her face. If you smiled, people didn't ask questions. She exited her room, quietly shutting the door as to not wake up the other guests staying in the house. She was unfortunate enough to have to share with several others in an attempt to save energy for the upcoming winter. She dodged a group of girls sleeping on the floor, and headed to the kitchen to make coffee. Coffee was pretty much all she could stomach these days, besides the occasional granola bar Elle forced her to eat. Kelsey had become noticeably skinnier, but many attributed it to longer hours at the hospital and fewer hours of sleep. Kelsey liked to keep it that way, so people wouldn't know the truth of her grief.

The walk to work was brisk, the sky opening up halfway there and emitting a cold drizzle. This was typical fall in New Ham, days of never-ending rain until it snowed in late November. Kelsey hoped the hospital would be busy today, her mind continuing to drift back to thoughts of Jared; she needed a distraction desperately.

"Hey Kate," Kelsey said, brushing past her and hanging her coat up on a nearby rack.

"Hi Kelsey," she replied, "Shitty weather, isn't it?"
Kelsey rolled her shoulders back in an attempt to relax. "Oh yeah, it started pouring as soon as I walked through the door."