The Suicide Notebook

Chapter 7 - Funeral...

~ ~ ~ Lizzie's P.O.V

I walked straight ahead, my heels colliding against the stepping stones placed on the floor, leading up to the coffin. I continued to roam closer towards the coffin- but stopped in the front row of seats. I sat down on the edge, near the arm rest. Droplets of grief escaping my eyes.

* * *

Jerome got up from the stiff wood booth, walking towards the podium that was placed near the picture of Briana, as she smiled and seemed like she was having fun. Every step he took echoed throughout the field, and I could see the tears- the sun's light reflected off his face- making it quite visible.

Now, he stood in front of the mic, looking out to the crowd of people. I scanned everyone gathered at this tragic event- I knew mostly all the people that attended. One teenage girl caught my eye though. Her long, wavy brown hair reached halfway to her stomach- her pale skin color seeming almost paler than marshmallow white. She had bright green eyes that showed despair. I noticed also how she kept whispering- constantly- how it was all her fault.

I'd attempted to smile at her- but even when I forced myself, the action just simply couldn't be done. A cool breeze brushed past me- making me shiver with coldness, my damp face not helping.

"Hi... I'm- if you don't already know Briana's brother. I loved her- and she was the best sister anyone could have... She could always make a person smile on their worst days- and she only strived for other peoples happiness. Now, I see why . . ."

My breathing became unstable, and soon I was gasping for breath as I sobbed- my eyebrows narrowed, eyes shut. My heart ached every second- the pain becoming more unbearable every passing moment. I tried to be silent- to have silent tears streaming down my face- but how my back bounced up and down from my breathing- it made it more impossible.

"Briana was the light in the darkness... When someone was lost in the pitch black- she would turn around and search for them-" he paused, closing his eyes- and I could tell that he held back tears, "leading them to the escape route. Maybe we fought, but it was bound to happen. And families make mistakes- but it's a true family that forgives them for what they did. Yeah, what Briana did is unforgettable-" he took a deep breath- an unsteady inhale. "But why should I be one to be mad over her choice. She was lost in the abyss and no one appeared to rescue her- and to pass away seemed like the only option probably. She didn't die from suicide . . . She died from sadness." He walked off, unable to hold back the water waiting to escape.

Next, was my turn. I inhaled deeply before getting up, and exhaled after. I slowly stepped closer and closer towards where Jerome just was- and soon was in the exact spot.

"I'm Lizzie, Briana's best friend . . .-" Don't cry . . . Don't cry. . .

"Maybe we haven't known each other for a long period of time- but it doesn't change the fact of how close we were-" were...

I took another deep breath, holding back the water that wanted to break free. "And I bet that I'm not the only one that hopes that Briana will pop out of the coffin- perfectly fine and healthy- but that isn't the case... Whatever reason caused her this she might've imagined that it was only the beginning of torture or pain that might've occurred- well- it wasn't. Nothing lasts forever- bad or good. Something I've learned the h-hard w-way..." I started to stutter, every word I said made me want to scream- shout- cry- repeating how this wasn't fair. I urged myself to continue though.

"Everything happens f-for a r-r-reason..." My voice cracked- I couldn't take it- I started to uncontrollably and walked away.

Instead of sitting back in my seat- I ran past that- and left the funeral. Once I was outside, I wanted to stop- but I couldn't.

I just . . . Couldn't

* * *

I banged my fists against a tree. "THIS ISN'T FAIR!..." My voice echoed. I rested my back against the bark, slowly sliding down. "I w-want my b-best f-friend b-back..."