Aquarelle [h.s]

twelve

That Wednesday, Nicholas went away just like he'd told me he would, leaving me alone at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee in my hand.

I finished my breakfast and went back to our bedroom, picking out some simple jeans with a white sweater from the wardrobe, not feeling like trying too hard on what I was wearing. Until then, I'd tried my best to keep up with a slightly nicer appearance whenever I knew we would've met, but at that point, I realised that I didn't really care about it anymore - mostly because I knew that he would've inevitably seen worse if he'd decided to stay with me as my model.

I still ended up putting on some slight makeup, not because of him, but because I always did, of course. I combed my hair and went back to the living room, making sure that I had everything I needed in my bag before walking towards my coat, that was hanging next to the door, and making sure my usual notebook was in there, too.

It was only when I'd taken the black fabric from the hanger and was about to put it on that I suddenly received an unexpected call. I stopped in my tracks, inevitably dropping the coat on the floor while I scrambled to get to my phone, worried that Nicholas had forgotten something at home.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise when I discovered that the name on the top of the screen definitely wasn't my boyfriend's, answering the call quickly and bringing the phone to my ear. "Yeah?" I asked, confused, not understanding why he was calling me. We would've seen each other in less than thirty minutes, after all.

"Sierra" a low voice said on the other side, sounding a bit quieter than usual, the stark difference between that call and the first one we'd exchanged immediately surprising me. "I can't come today" he added, not even waiting for me to say something. "I'm sorry."

I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding why. It wasn't like Harry to call to notify with such little advance, or at least, it'd never happened before. Had he been called in at work, or was it something else entirely? Was he sick, or had he just decided he didn't want to show up, like he'd already done so many times in the past? "Why?" I asked. I wouldn't have forced him to come in if he didn't want to, but I at least wanted to have a valid explanation of the reason why he was standing me up all of sudden.

There was a pause on the other side. "I don't feel good" he then said, a hint of insecurity in his voice that confused me even more.

"Harry?" I asked, but I was only met by silence. "What's going on? Are you sick?" I added, having a sudden feeling I couldn't well define. I would've liked to know it if he'd got sick in result of our walk on Monday, as it would've been my fault if he had. He was my model, whatever happened to him while he worked for me was my responsibility, and I wanted to make sure he would've been safe at all times. I needed to know if walking around was off-limits for him during winter, to make sure that something like that wouldn't have happened again.

"I'm fine" he only replied, complete silence on his side of the phone.

I sighed and sat down on my couch, definitely not feeling like chasing after him in order to get a single reply that made sense. "Harry, I need to know if you got sick after Monday" I explained, my voice calm, knowing that using an understanding tone would've been the only way to get him to tell me what was actually going on.

"It has nothing to do with Monday" he said, starting to sound a bit stressed as well. Knowing him, he was probably regretting the idea of calling me in that very moment.

I stayed in silence for a few seconds, listening to his breathing on the other side of the phone, barely audible. It was clear that something was wrong, and that he didn't seem to want to talk about it. It should've been also clear, for him, that I was worried. I didn't know why I kept worrying about his wellbeing so much, considering that it definitely was none of my business, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but feel like not many people did, and everyone needs someone by their side, even if they don't want them.