SHATTERED - Let me heal you

Shattered II

As pompous as the gala is, as boring it is. A friendly smile and hypocritical interest crowned by superficial small talk. With a discreet look at my watch, I notice with a sigh of relief that it is shortly after midnight, reasonably adequate time for an elegant departure.
Tae, who is always in sight, never lets me out of his sight for a moment. His attention warms my soul like sunbeams. Of course, it is his job to protect and keep an eye on me, but since the kiss this afternoon I know that the strong feeling of attraction is not just from my side. As discussed, with a nod I make him understand that I have enough for tonight. I want out of the noble suit of Hugo Boss. As an unknown beginner, I have always wished to make the breakthrough and pose in exactly such clothes on the red carpet at a gala. Now that I have finally made it, I realize how exhausting success can be even in those rewarding moments. My lips hurt from the constant smile that I put on at such events exactly the moment I leave the limousine. Of course, Mark stayed at home, I'm not really sad that he's not at my side. Most of the time I try to avoid him.
The limousine's remoteness is more than just pleasant, the soft leather seats nestle against my body. I don't know my chauffeur today, he is rented together with the limousine for tonight. Tae sits next to him, silent and in a tense posture. The peace overpowers me, tiredness takes possession of me. In the hotel, I just want to get into my bed as soon as possible.

...

The lift that takes us directly to the luxury suite whirrs quietly in the embarrassing silence that has developed between Tae and me. The air around us is electrically charged. Eroticism and longing are within reach, but none of us takes the first step. Everyone has his duties in mind, the thousand small and big reasons that stand between us. My neck hairs stand up as our arms accidentally touch. My bodyguard is not only a protection for my integrity but also a huge danger for my salvation. I am desperate, wanting nothing more than a partner by my side who caresses me, kisses me and brings my body into sexual ecstasy. I am a young, healthy man and have needs. Slowly but surely I am going crazy, it is time for me to decide, to speak out for or against Mark. But what should I do? We are married, we have sworn faithfulness and love to God. My faith is not as strong as that of my parents or that of Mark, but it is there. Is it strong enough to bind me to a lifelong hell? I must finally answer this question. At night in my dreams, when I am free and unattached, I dream of my bodyguard, his tongue and his hands, holding me protectively while I experience an all-embracing orgasm. When I wake up next to my husband in the morning, my penis throbs painfully because I dreamed of another man, a guilty conscience creeps up on me. Basically, I am glad that we have virtually no sex in our marriage. Just imagining Mark wanting to kiss me or even invade my body makes me sick.

"Is everything okay with you, Tee?" Shit, Tae is just too attentive.

Fortunately, the elevator opens silently and I am released from my answer. With a hesitant step I step into the suite, Mark is not to be seen, and yet an encounter is inevitable.

"I will take another walk through the suite and then retire." Tae looks me in the eye, examining, I torment a crooked smile to calm him.

"Thank you, Tae. Good night."

With a nod, he receives my words and sets off on his tour. I don't understand why he repeats this ritual every night, but apparently, a bodyguard needs this final certainty.

...

Without looking after my husband, I enter the bedroom, the elegant white bedside lamps lend the cozy room a private atmosphere. This suite is incredibly luxurious and at the same time comfortably furnished, so that I really feel at home here. The soft blankets are inviting and the pillows are freshly opened. With a slight sigh of resignation, I sit down on the bed and free my feet from the tight dress shoes. Carefully I put them on the floor and let my aching feet circle a few times relaxed. The soft carpet that lies in front of the sides of the bed feels like heaven on the soles of my feet. Slowly my body relaxes, the evening is over.