☂︎ 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚖𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝙰𝚌𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚢 ☂︎

𝔎𝔩𝔞𝔲𝔰 𝔦𝔪𝔞𝔤𝔦𝔫𝔢

KLAUS x ANY GENDER  (fluff)

It's a hot night in mid-August. A thunderstorm is moving in and it has just started raining as you and Klaus make your way inside the mansion, each of you sweating and struggling with overflowing bags of groceries.

"This always happens when I shop hungry," Klaus says as he heaves his bags onto the counter.

"I hope we got everything for the recipe." You open the recipe book your aunt gave you when you decided to stop eating meat. She was kind and supportive when the rest of your family just laughed and made jokes at your expense. You get wistful thinking of how much she would have loved Klaus. Klaus who is elbow deep in a box of cereal.

"Hey, you're going to spoil your dinner!," you yell, snatching the box. "I need you to cut the eggplant into half inch round slices."
Klaus sticks both tattooed palms up defensively and grins. "Oh, sorry," you laugh when you realize that you are gesturing with the pointy end of the knife.

"Channeling our inner Diego tonight, are we?," Klaus teases as he begins cutting. The slices get a sprinkle of salt to draw out the bitterness of the eggplant.  

You put on the old stereo while you preheat the oven and set up the breadcrumbs for dipping. The sauce is simmering and the water for the pasta is boiling. You sneak up behind Klaus, kissing his neck. "Hey you're going to make me lose a finger here." He turns, presses his lips to yours and wraps his arms around your waist. You sway gently to the music with your head on his shoulder like a couple celebrating the end of the war.

So much has happened to bring you both to this point. After meeting Klaus in rehab, you recommitted yourselves to recovery and pulled each other through terrible temptation and sleepless nights. Now at twelve months sober, your bond is stronger than ever.

Ben is an active participant in your conversations and some arguments too. You can always tell when Ben takes your side because it drives Klaus crazy. He is a terrible liar when he's sober. His face is just too expressive.

"Time to dip!," you shout. Klaus grabs your hand and tips you into his arm.
"I meant dip the eggplant into the breadcrumbs."

"I knew what you meant," Klaus smiles and sets you upright again.

"We have to rinse them now and squeeze all the water out."

"This is quite a process,"

"Totally worth it, you'll see."

You finish the breading the slices and stick them in the oven.  Klaus' hands are a mess. 

"You seem to have breaded your fingers, love."  He growls, holding them out like monster claws and and chases you around the kitchen. 

Still giggling, you lean over the stove and pull out the skillet.

"What are you frying?  I thought you cook this stuff in the oven.  I'm so hungry."

"Frying makes them extra crispy...Taste the sauce...Tell me what you think."  Klaus sips some sauce from a wooden spoon.  Then he holds some out for you to try, cupping his hand underneath to catch the drips.  "This is definitely a cliche moment we are having here," you snort.

The meal comes together on the table and you both dig in.

"This is really delicious," he says slurping up a noodle.

"You've come a long way from dumpster doughnuts," you smile encouragingly.

"Hey, don't knock 'em till you try 'em," he laughs.

Thunder crashes and the lights go out. You are grateful it happened while you were in the kitchen and not in the parlor with all the taxidermied animals and likely cursed artifacts stolen from indigenous people.

"Do you have any candles?"

"What an absurd question." Klaus lights an enormous antique candelabra.  The two of you dine together by candlelight while the rain pounds on the windows.

credit:

so y'all can request chapters if you want because i never know what kind of chapter to post

also i tried publishing this four FUTHERMUCKING TIMES and it wouldn't work. grrr