I Remember You

Chapter 23

Lily was up early prowling around the still dark house. She would have gone outside, but she wasn't sure if an alarm was set, and if one was set, she didn't want to set it off and wake the entire neighborhood. So instead, she stood in front of the wall of windows watching the waves crash on the shore as she thought about what had happened with Mudd.

It was a trick that she had learned as a child when things got rough with her parents. She wouldn't deny what had happened. She wouldn't push it away and not think about it. She would pull it out and examine it, take a good long look at what had happened and how it could have been different, make plans for the next time, and then move on with life. There were twinges of pain when a memory would surface, but she knew she had a plan for the next time if it ever happened again.

She sat up all night thinking about Mudd and examined the issue to death. She knew she wasn't at fault; she knew that she had done nothing wrong. She had fought back, and if she had done anything wrong it was that she had stopped fighting too soon and having come to this conclusion, her next step was to enroll in a self-defense class. She would also go down to the police department when the sun came up and see what could be done.

"How are you this morning?" Finn asked softly from behind her, causing her to jump.

"Fine," she smiled over her shoulder at him, "a little jumpy still."

He nodded as if that was to be expected as he pulled out a kitchen chair to put on his running shoe. Lily watched his down, bent head, thinking how handsome he looked. Even with his missing leg, he still looked strong and powerful as she watched the muscles in his arms flex with his movements.

"Did you sleep at all?" he asked when he was finished with his shoe.

"Not a lot, did you talk to Uncle Mason?" she asked, sitting in the chair across from him. His hair was a curly mess, and he had the beginning of a beard on his chin. This is what Finn Baxter looked like when he had just awakened, and Lily had to admit it was making her heart tightened as she looked at him. His guard was down, and he was relaxed. This was a side that not many people got to see, and she realized she was lucky he had let her in enough to get to see it."

She was in love with this man, despite his grumpy disposition, refusal to kiss her, and constant need to push her away. The knowledge was ten times scarier than anything Mudd could throw at her.  Mudd was a moment, a horrible moment, but just a moment. Finn was the rest of her life, and Lily couldn't tell him because he wouldn't believe her. He would say she only felt like she did because he had saved her from Mudd.  Now wasn't the time.

"I have thought about it, and I would like to go to the police, will you come with me?"

He looked up at her with surprise.

"They will probably want to talk to you about it anyway," she finished.

"Alright," he agreed as he stood, walking toward the glass door that was hidden in the middle of the bank of windows. Finn clicked a latch and opened the door, letting in the sea breeze.

"May I walk on the beach for a bit?" she asked, he might want the beach to himself while he ran.

"Sure, close the door behind you," he ordered before he took off down the steps.

Lily followed at a more leisurely pace, enjoying the pinking of the sky as the sun rose. She found a spot on the beach and sunk onto the damp sand, listening to the surf, emptying her mind of all thoughts.

She must have sat there for some time because Finn was standing next to her again before she realized it. "That was a quick run." She didn't stand as she looked at the sun, which was full above the water.

"Not really, it was a five-mile run." He plopped down on the sand next to her.

"You make it look so easy," Lily teased, looking out at the water and not him. She wanted to look at him, she wanted to stare and drink in every detail, but she didn't, she fought the urge.

Finn looked at his watch. "When did you want to go to the police station?"

"The sooner, the better. Before I lose my nerve, I should tell Uncle Mason first." She swallowed hard at the thought, wondering what he would think. "Did he sound angry?" she asked softly.

"Yes, but not at you. He wanted to race over here and take you home, but I told him you were already sleeping." Finn leaned back on his arms, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"How did you lose your leg?" she asked suddenly, she still really wanted to know.

He gave a bittersweet smile. "Not as glamorously as you might think."

He looked over at her, and his smile made her breath catch as her gaze dropped down to his lips. "Did you know you have a dimple when you smile?" She said it almost to herself.

Finn quickly looked away from her, clearing his throat. "We were returning from the field, elated to have completed a hard job quickly and done it perfectly. One of my teammates was driving, and he took his eyes off the road to say something to another teammate in the back when he took a curve to fast. It was a road that wound around a hillside." He paused his thoughts far away. "The jeep rolled, and I lost my leg."

"And your teammates?" Lily asked softly.

"They lost their lives." He sat up, brushing the sand off his elbows and hands. "I was the lucky one." He didn't sound like he believed it.

"Is that why you won't kiss me?" Lily turned to face him.

His eyes grew wide in shock at her question.

"I mean, you feel like you don't deserve it because you lived and the others didn't. You feel like you don't deserve joy, not that kissing me would bring you joy or anything, but it might be nice." She babbled.

This time he gave a slow smile and a low chuckle as he reached up and brushed sand off her nose. "No that's not why, and I'm sure it would be much better than nice." He stood up and held out his hand to help her up.

"Well, then why?" she insisted, as she let him pull her to him. He tugged her hard, and she landed against him. She lost her breath, not because she hit him too hard, but because the feel of him against her was thrilling.

"Because Lily, I don't want to hurt you. I have too much baggage in my life, and you are so young. Nothing long term would come of it, and you would be hurt in the end."

"We're only talking about a kiss Finn. You're going to have to kiss me in front of the cameras sooner or later anyway."

"Then, in front of the cameras it will be, at least there will be some control." He stepped away from her and started towards the house with Lily hot on his heels.

"So, kissing me would make you lose control?" she asked, excited at the idea.

"Almost everything about you makes me lose control of a lot of things, Lily," he grumbled.

"Then we're friends?" she asked, trying to breathe and catch up to him at the same time. He had just run five miles, how was he full of so much energy.

"What about that statement makes you think we're friends?" he stopped, and she ran into him. He had to reach a hand out to catch her from falling, and when he went to turn around, she wouldn't let go of his hand when he tried to pull away.

"Mike is watching, you don't want him to think we're fighting, do you?" she asked sweetly as she waved up at Mike who was watching them from the windows above.

His eyes narrowed at her excuse, but he didn't pullhis hand away.