I Remember You

Chapter 36

Finn didn't return to Mason's house. He went right to his truck and climbed in, slamming the door behind him as hard as he could as he watched Lily and Petra walk away arm and arm. Who the hell was this Paxton, and why the hell was he staying at Lily's place?

He got back out of the truck and dialed Lee's number without thinking.

"Did you know Lily was dating a drummer?" he insisted as soon as he heard his friends voice.

"Well, hello to you too, Finn," Lee greeted. "Did we know that Lily was dating a drummer, hold on let me ask," Lee said, and there was a muffled discussion before he returned. "Yes," he concluded.

"A drummer in a rock band?"Finn growled.

There was another muffled exchange. "Yes, and he is a considerate young man," Lee parroted what his wife Kate was saying.

"You're alright with this? Did you know that she has been living with him, that he is staying in her apartment with her?"

More muffled discussion happened. "No, but good for her."

There was a heavy silence as Finn wanted to reach through his phone and strangle his friend.

Lee gave a heavy sigh. "I told you, brother, she's an adult, she doesn't need a father. Lily had one of those, and trust me when I say she was the adult in that relationship. If she has found happiness good for her, she deserves it."

"What about when he hurts her?" Finn growled again. The idea of anyone hurting Lily made him want to hurt them.

"Life is full of hurt, brother. If we spend our entire life running and trying to evade it, we aren't living. I wouldn't trade one day with my Kate, no matter what hurt might come in the end because to not be with her, to not know this love, that's ten times the hurt."

Finn was silent. There was nothing he could say in reply to his friend's comment.

"You know what pushed me over the edge, what made me decide that I wanted Kate no matter what the cost?" Lee waited for Finn to respond, and when he didn't, he continued anyway. "She thanked me for helping her heal. She told me that she would be able to give her heart to someone else, thanks to what I had given her. It still makes me mad when I think about it. I was not going to let some other man cash in on all my hard work and get the girl that I wanted but was too stubborn to admit to wanting."

Finn clenched and unclenched his fist. It wasn't the same thing, but he couldn't tell his friend that. Finn couldn't share that it wasn't that he didn't want to admit it. What he was afraid of was that Lily would hate him in the end.

Lee continued, "I don't know what happened between the two of you, and I don't want to know, but if you only take one piece of advice from me, grab happiness while you can. Life is to short not to, you owe it to all of our other brothers who didn't make it back."

"That's just it. I don't think we do. How can we be happy when they never will be?" Finn insisted, realizing for the first time that it was his guilt as much as his fear that was holding him back. He felt as if he deserved to be punished for surviving, and the best way to punish himself was to deny what he wanted most, and what he wanted most was Lily.

"Brother, if you hadn't of made it, and another one of your bothers had survived, would you want him to continue to punish himself by denying himself what he wanted most, or would you want him to grab it with both hands and find his happiness?"

Finn couldn't answer; he didn't need to; they both knew his answer to that question.

"Think about it, and one other thing, go and get the girl. Lily needs to know that she is worth fighting for because no one ever has, and she deserves it."

Finn heard Lee end the call and he slowly lowered the phone, resting his head against his truck.

How had he screwed it up so badly? If Lily was happy with this drummer, did he really have the right to come between them?

*******

"That was him, wasn't it?" Paxton asked, joining her on the bench.

Lily jumped and then laughed at the sound of his voice. "What are you talking about?"

"The one called Finn, he was the reason that you can't give me more when I ask." This time it was a statement, not a question.

"I'm sorry, Paxton. You are everything I should want, but he was here first." She placed her hand over her heart. "Trust me, if I could turn it off, I would. Do you hate me?" she asked, looking up at him.

"No, but I could hate him for hurting you."

"He didn't do it on purpose, and I didn't fall in love with him on purpose. It just happened."

Paxton took a deep sigh as if he was letting go of something.

"Does this mean that you want to leave? It's alright if you do." Lily reassured him.

"No, I can't let you attend all of these events alone, you need a friend by your side, don't you. Besides, it would be my pleasure to help him realize what he is missing out on by not loving you."

Lily didn't correct him. She only hugged his arm to her as she watched people walking by them.

"We did have fun on our trip? Didn't we?" she asked, remembering it.

"Yes, we did. Now, tell me about your friend Petra?" he asked.

"You moved on quickly, didn't you?" she laughed.

"I'm a rocker, you know how we are, lovers come and lovers go." He shrugged then grinned.

Lily knew part of him was joking,  but that he was also hurt and a little disappointed, however, she also knew real love, and they didn't have it.

"Well then, stick with me, I'll make sure you get to know her. Trust me. She's worth it." Lily jumped up and grabbed his hand. "Let's go see if Aunt Penny had any ice cream."

Paxton stood and let her lead him by his hand out of the square.

*******

Finn watched from afar as Lily laughed over her shoulder at something the drummer said. Then he started to chase her back an forth across the street until they ran up the steps and into the house.

That was what Lily deserved, that kind of carefree love, and he didn't know if he had it in him to give her that.

Wasn't he better off letting her have that with the drummer than trying to win her back? He agreed with Lee that she deserved to have everything she wanted, to be fought for, but he knew he didn't deserve her.