I Remember You

Chapter 39

Lily made herself at home on the porch after she checked on Mike, and as she waited, she started to worry. The longer he was away, the more she worried, what if he hadn't meant it, what if there were conditions, there were too many worries to count, but as soon as she returned and climbed the steps towards her, they all fell away.

"I'll be right back, I want a quick shower," he said as he passed her by without stopping.

Lily gave a little grumble and walked towards the edge of the porch to look out over the water. It was dark causing the moon to reflect off the water.

He seemed to be dragging his feet, and she worried some more while she waited.

"What are you think about so hard?" he said in her ear and she jumped, but he soothed her by wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. When the flash of a camera lit up the beach, he growled in her ear as he pulled her further onto the porch and away from the edge where they could be seen.

"I was wondering why you keep delaying the inevitable?" she said as he grabbed her around, her waist and pulled her onto his lap.

"I'm not delaying. I needed the run to help organize my thoughts and push the bad stuff away for a while. I wanted a shower because I wanted to hold you." He rubbed his thumb over her palm, and it sent an electrical pulse through her body.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked, taking the hand up to his lips and kissing it.

"This man, who wants to hold me and gives me little kisses, who is he?" she asked, turning so that she could get a better look at him. "Are you like this with other women?" she had seen it hinted at with Lana at the restaurant.

"Anyone in particular?" he asked in a patient voice.

"Lana," she said before she could change her mind.

"Let me preface this by saying that I have a few Paxton's in my past-"

"There is no Paxton in my past. All we did was exchange a few kisses. I have a feeling that you did a little bit more than that with Lana!" She grew tense.

He pulled her closer, squeezing her at her news about Paxton. "Lana and I have an understanding; we don't have a relationship we have sex."

"Is there a difference?" Lily asked, her innocence evident.

"Yes, I don't love her, and I don't wish to have a relationship with her, nor her me. In answer to your question, who am I? I am a man who is waking up from a very long and bad dream. Until my accident, I was always fairly demonstrative with those I care about, but after the accident to touch," he picked up her hand and linked their fingers, "was painful and reminded me of what I had lost."

Lily's heart stopped at his confession. "And now?" she asked softly.

"Now, I have to keep myself from reaching for you. I have to force myself to let go." He took a shaky breath. "I'm not an easy man, I never was, but I'm harder now. I have nightmares and mood swings that are sometimes self-destructive. Mike has helped, and you have and will, but there will still be times that I need to be alone. I will be mean and hard, and I don't want to hurt you, Lily."

"Finn, I fell in love with you, all of you. The bad, the stubborn, and the good," she assured him.

"I'm so afraid that I'm not worthy of you Lily, after everything I have been through, to have you come into my life..."

"Finn, I need someone to accept me for who I am, and you do that, you don't care that I'm a klutz, you just pick me up and dust me off then move on to the next thing. I don't feel that you're judging me. I judge me, and I wonder how I will hold up long term next to someone as beautiful and together as Lana, but I don't feel that from you." She placed her hands to either side of his cheek.

"There's no comparison between you and Lana. You make me want to be a better man." He kissed her long and hard. "You are one of the strongest women I know. You're unbelievably trusting and full of so much joy. Did you know you laugh in your sleep?" he asked after he ended the kiss.

"Do I, but how do you know?" she asked, surprised.

"That night, I took you home. I snuck into your apartment, and you were dreaming, you giggled, then you said my name and groaned. When you looked at me and asked me to stay, I couldn't say no."

"I knew it. You did stay that night!" Lily held his face. "So, you love me, and I love you, what do we do now?" Lily asked in a hushed whisper. "Is it really as easy as this?"

"I guess I let you make an honest man out of me. We'll do this right, and your uncle won't have to kill me." Finn smiled.

"Lee's not the overprotective type." She giggled. "Was that a proposal? Just so we're clear, I would hate to misunderstand."

"Yes, I come with a lot of baggage, can you handle that?"

Lily nodded, and she felt him release a breath she hadn't realized he had been holding

"Tonight, when I came home and saw you sitting with Mike, my heartfelt light, and it hasn't felt that light in many years. I want that feeling for good." He rested his head against hers.

"Me too, it felt right the three of us sitting on the porch. But you know I have baggage too. My mother-"

"Can be dealt with, we'll introduce her to my sister, and they can keep each other company," he said drily.

Lily shook her head. "They both might never get better."

"No, it's a disease, but we'll help each other and Mike though it," he promised.

"What if my singing career takes off and I want to switch to that?" she asked.

"Then I'll buy your first record and go to every concert, but we'll have to see about more upbeat songs. The ones you choose are always so sad."

"Not anymore," she disagreed as she kissed him. "I remember you; you're the one who made my dreams come true a few kisses ago,"she sang before he kissed her again.

THE END