The first time a boy told me he loved me
I started crying.
It was not tears of joy.
My eyes were not lit up with love.
The corners of my mouth werenât reaching for my ears
No
They werenât even tugging at their own corners.
I wasnât blushing,
Happy,
To be in this moment.
I didnât grab him and kiss him,
Showing everyone around us just how much I love him too.
Instead, I was confused.
They were tears of uncertainty.
My eyes seemed dull
And my lips were in a straight, slightly uneven line.
I felt every emotion rush through me,
But I couldnât stop and savour a single one.
The first time a boy told me he loved me,
His voice didnât shake with emotion
And he didnât look me in the eye.
He couldnât
He wasnât even there.
I was in my nighties,
My best friend lying next to me,
Watching short viral videos and
Mapping out our future,
when my phone lit up,
And arial pt.12 told me
He loves me.
The first time a boy told me he loved me,
I didnât know what to say.
He doesnât believe in love, see
So how the hell could he love me
Should I say âthank youâ
Should I ask âWhy?â
Should I ignore it and live my life, without him?
The first time a boy told me he loved me
I didnât say anything like that
Did I waste my first I love you,
On someone I never even met?
Did I do the rational thing?
No.
We were never rational.
Or logical.
We were messed up,
Start to finish,
His cloak of hurt wrapping him up
And me desperately clawing to save him from suffocating
On his own protection
We were never easy.
We were never even âweâ
And soon after that I would hear
Those heart breaking words
I just canât do this anymore.
The first time a boy told me he loved me,
He believed it.
But see, not everything you believe is true.
The first time a boy told me he loved me,
I should have turned, and walked the other way.
Never glancing back
Sometimes wondering what if
But this what if would hurt so much less
Than our oh well.
But I didnât.
I said I loved him too.
And I believed myself too.
I still do.
YOU ARE READING
A bundle of poetry about everything stuck in my head.
PoetryHello! This is some poetry I've written ever since I met him. Sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's happy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Kind of like us. It's like slam poetry, so don't expect a rhyme scheme. Okay, lovies. Hope you enjoy...
