The return

19.

Those three years were filled with happiness, sadness, faith and massive change . I grew apart with some people, I met new friends and changed home more than twice. I went through my moms and step dads divorce and lots of school bullshit . That's why I left school and went to a different one.

If we're talking about Trey, I saw him once, and as strange as it sounds, we didn't talk about what I found out about him, we said hi and basically left it where it was. I can't deny, it was weird, it was definitely weird between us, but years went by and it was too late to talk it out .

Me and Liam have been an item now, for like 3 months. I feel like things between us are good, I'm a lot calmer, positive and I don't take many things serious. Liam makes me feel like I'm living a better life, life where I don't have to think about my problems or things that make me sad.

Yeah, I do think about Trey, a lot. But after three years, I'm getting used to him not being here anymore. I've had days where I had forgotten he existed and he was in my life, I had days where I stayed up all night crying and missing his touch, and I had days where I beat myself up , blaming myself if I should've said something or talked with him , but I mean, he hadn't reached out either, and I was in no wrong, so why should I ?

This was one of the nights, where "Trey" was written all over the place, it cut me deep, and yes, I know it's been three years, but sometimes you can't just move on from people, they're the ones you never move on from. They stay in your mind and memory, and every detail you remember seems to cut you open.

I still remember this night as it was yesterday, and nothing makes me feel dirtier than this, now looking back at it, I know I should've told Liam , someone else was in my mind, fuck , I should've told him we can't be together in the first place...

"Liam." I giggled. Liam was on top of me, sliding his hands in and out of my white bra , " Stop, your hands are so cold."

" Like you don't like it."

It felt like my insides stopped working for a minute, I remembered the ice cubes and Trey's warm hands no matter how cold the ice was. I shook my thoughts away and looked at Liam, his eyes were amazing, the long eyelashes and dark eyes just made me weak for him.

I got on top of Liam and opened his button shirt, " Oh wow, hello there." Liam said with a smirk on his face.

" Shut up ." I murmured, touching his cold ,pale and hairy chest, all I saw was Trey's body under mine, his tanned ,soft skin.

" Sonia." Liam's voice reminded me it wasn't Trey. For a quick second I felt tears fill my eyes, but I quickly reacted and removed my shirt, unclasping my bra and placing my lips on Liam's neck.

I heard a soft moan coming from his lips and it made me mad, I got so mad, and I don't know why, and not knowing why, made me even more angry.

" Fuck me." I pleaded, " Fuck me now Liam."

He unzipped his jeans and took his cock out of his boxers, he placed his hands on my hips as I sat down on his length. We both moaned at the same time, feeling each other.

The sex was amazing, it really was. But what came after sex , was a different story. I turned my back to him and looked out of the window, fighting my tears back.

" Hey, are you alright ?" Liam asked me in a worried tone.

"Mhm," I moved a little bit further so he wouldn't notice the tears, " I'm just so tired, you really did a good job you know." I wasn't lying, not about sex anyway .

I didn't even need to look back at him, to know he was smiling, I felt his scent coming closer to me, and I closed my eyes expecting a kiss on my forehead, just like Trey always did, but instead, he kissed my lips.

" Goodnight."

I opened my eyes when I felt him turn around ,and I let my tears just roll down my cheeks. I was so disgusting , how could I make love with someone but miss someone else ? If Liam found out, he'd be so devastated , fuck this, if I ever found out that one of my ex boyfriends missed someone else while sleeping and having sex with me , I'd be so fucked. No one deserves that.

I covered my mouth with my hands so I wouldn't make any noise while crying, I hated myself, I hated the fact I still miss someone, but the feeling was so weird , it almost felt like , me and Trey didn't get our ending, like even if we were meant to be apart from each other, we should've been together for longer . Maybe I was just being dumb .

" You want coffee or tea with your pie ?" Liam asked , while standing shirtless in the kitchen.

" I'm gonna take a shower first baby, but coffee."

I slept all my thoughts away from last night, and all what I needed to do now, was take a shower and I'd be fine again. And I was. I took a hot shower and washed all my thoughts away, after my shower I didn't feel as disgusting anymore.

And that was my daily life, some days I felt full with love towards Liam and I couldn't hide it, I told my friends and everyone around me about him, he kept me excited and loved, but something was missing .