𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘦

reflection cries out

"So Hana and Uo too must be coming, of course?" I ask Tohru, feeling much better after a few days of rest. It had been a long time since I'd last gotten sick, of course, it'd strike horribly. Too bad Hatori had just left too, or else he could have rubbed it in my face. I throw up my fists, declaring in a more competitive way than being kind. "I'll be the one to prepare a picnic basket! I have been sick and useless for days and I have to do something now!"

No one appreciated my running around the kitchen in the early hours of the morning. Being smaller means top cupboards are reached by stepping on the counters.

I tie my hair up, dressing in a black dress I got a year ago for the funeral... definitely doesn't fit right anymore but I have nothing else, so I put tights on to hide it. It's not something I'd ever imagine letting go of because I had to get it for such a specific occasion.

We meet Hana, Uo, and Nana looking as eccentric as ever at Kyoko's grave plot. Uo's done up in Kyoko's old biker jacket labelled "Crimson Butterfly" and Hana has a veil and gothic dress, carrying a huge bouquet. Definitely stands out more than my dress that's too small. Nana wears a black kimono, traditional wear that reminds me of Shigure remarking on their similarities and makes sweat run down my forehead.

"You guys are so weird. You wouldn't talk to me all that much when I was living with Kyoko-san even so, so I thought it was me..."

"Cause you used to be the punchable kid with glasses," Uo replies. "You sounded like no fun, so I didn't want to hang with you."

I nod ruefully, pulling said glasses off my face. "You can't be serious about that. I got suspended for beating you up for Nana-chan!"

She grins with satisfaction. "Oh, the surprise when we saw each other when Kyoko brought me home that day... and the scolding you got. Turned out you were likeable, and Nana too."

"Kyoko-kun surely doesn't care if we're rowdy, but don't be a bitch," Nana remarks in her usual smile, surely fueling old blood between them. Her foul language surprises the boys, but not us so much. Then they laugh it off. "Kuroi and you did have pretty strained relations for a while, but Kyoko-kun smoothed us all over."

Yuki covers his mouth. "So it took you seven years to learn to act like a normal person?"

"It took me leaving the Sohma main house," I correct. Today is an anniversary of gaining sense. Losing someone important leads to some drastic life decision-making. Losing people twice—well, I wasn't going to be on my own and survive as a snivelling idiot, was I?

We eat as discreetly as possible in front of her grave before heading home, where I can put on pants and a T-shirt again. I stare at my hair in the mirror, all long, curling on my shoulders and recall how much I hate it. It's always in the way, it's not darker or straight like my brothers, and is so hard to maintain. It reminds me of my mother, and I can't even remember her face. It's crossed out in my mind to avoid the pain I felt every time she looked down on me. But Kyoko-san loved it, and really loved to make me even more annoyed when she would play with it and ruffle it around and apologize when I would get big matted knots in it. Why would such a woman die? Why would I be the one to be saved? Why is it that I'm the one who has to keep so many secrets in the family?

I come downstairs, staring at Kyo in the daze of my thoughts. He's standing over Tohru with a softened expression, although clearly unsure of however he's feeling as he watches her sleep on the porch. Is it fondness? Neither of us knows. We can't really tell what the other is feeling deep down, we've become accustomed to hiding our feelings from each other so we don't have to think about things that have happened. Despite that, I think maybe I am the closest with him in the family. I didn't force marriage on him, nor am I his rival, we actually talk.