Flicker // johnmark

four

The sun's barely up when Mark goes back to his apartment. He tries to be as silent as possible when he enters, knowing that his roommates are asleep.

He tiptoes to his room, quietly closing the door before flopping down onto his mattress.

Mark's fucking exhausted.

He rolls over and his phone falls out of his pocket. Mark briefly registers that it's dead, and he should probably plug it in.

With heavy eyelids, he grasps onto the charger cord that's laying not too far away from him. His phone slips out of his hand as he plugs it in, and he drifts off into a deep sleep.

—

When Mark opens his eyes, he's vaguely aware of the sounds coming through the thin walls of his bedroom. The tv's on, and there's some footsteps and shuffling.

He rubs his eyes, reaching over to check the time. It's late afternoon.

He drops his phone on his chest, limbs aching and sore. Curse this mattress for being a fucking rock.

A few minutes pass, and Mark's over staring at the ceiling for no reason. He finally gets up, not giving a shit about his bedhead.

Jeno's in the kitchen, and he takes a short glance at Mark to acknowledge his presence. And even though it's short, Mark knows what it means when he sees that look in Jeno's eyes.

He knows that look to well.

Renjun turns his head from where he is on the couch, and gives Mark that look, too.

Mark doesn't even have the time to mentally count down from ten when it starts.

"Were you with Johnny?" Renjun's the first to speak, irritation in his tone.

"Yes." Mark simply answers, going to the kitchen and grabbing a slice of pizza.

"All night?"

"Yes."

"Mark."

"He's not a good influence, you know this." Jeno adds on, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips. "Why the hell are you still hanging around with him?"

"You guys aren't my fucking mom." Mark's getting defensive.

"But we're fucking worried about you!" Renjun's pissed, his eyebrows knitted together as he speaks. "We care about you."

"Why?" Mark shoots back, tone just as pissed as Renjun's. "It's my own life I'm fucking up, why are you concerned?"

"It's not good for you, Mark." Jeno's anger is bleeding from the tone of his voice as well.

"Who decides what's good for me? Only I can decide what's good for me." Mark rolls his eyes, slice of pizza sitting idle in his hands.

"Well your decisions are awful and that Johnny boy and cigarettes aren't good for you." Renjun scoffs, turning back towards the tv.

The three of them fall silent, and the atmosphere in the room is heavy, it's almost suffocating.

Mark can't breathe.

He tosses his half finished slice of pizza into the trash, not bothering to go back to his room to grab his phone. Despite hearing his name being called, the apartment door shuts behind him.

Everything is too much.

Mark quickly lights a cigarette, like he's desperate for it. He is, he will admit.

The first inhale immediately puts him at ease.

His feet carry him down the sidewalk, he doesn't know where he's going. And he doesn't care about where he's going either.

He watches the clouds of smoke he exhales dissolve against the pink sky as the sun disappears behind the horizon.

Mark feels numb.

It's comforting; it's like a warm, fuzzy hug. The arms that wrap around him mess with his senses, mess with his reasonable thinking.

Logic is thrown out the window.

But Mark feels safe. Safe in this darkness that's consuming him.

It's his addiction.