Flicker // johnmark

fifteen

Mark's eyes flutter open slowly. He's shaking under the motel duvet, it doesn't do shit when it comes to the cold outside.

There's a dull ache that runs through his entire body. He reaches his arms out, stretches a little. It doesn't really help.

The space next to him on the bed is empty. In his half awake mind Mark knows Johnny won't leave, not when he's with him.

He never leaves when it's Mark.

Mark sits up, deciding to put his clothes back on since he's so cold. He watches the purple bruises all over his chest and shoulders disappear under the thin fabric of his hoodie, and for some reason it brings him some sort of comfort.

He's missed this. Missed the way they use to have casual sex after smoking together.

He finds Johnny smoking on the communal balcony in front of their room.

"Morning." Johnny says as he brings the cigarette back up to his lips. He takes a long drag, lets the smoke filter out of his lungs slowly before he holds it out to Mark.

Mark takes it, puts it up to his lips without thinking. His arm moves almost mechanically.

The taste of the nicotine hits his tongue, and Mark feels like he can finally breathe. It clears his head, mutes his senses. He forgets that he's freezing for a few seconds.

"You wanna get breakfast?"

Mark turns his head. He meets Johnny's soft gaze, and oh has he missed that too.

"No."

"You sure? You've gotten a little more thin since from when I last saw you."

Mark almost scoffs. Not at Johnny, but at himself for fucking melting every time Johnny shows that he cares.

"It's fine." he takes the cigarette between his fingers again. Johnny presses his lips into a line, knows Mark doesn't wanna talk about it.

"How's it been lately?" he asks, the question gentle and harmless.

Mark exhales, watches the cloud of smoke he creates dissolve into the air. "Still shit."

"Having trouble with your roommates?"

If Make thinks about it, the answer is not really. They do give a shit about him even though they're irritated all the time, and sometimes Mark wishes he could reciprocate that - actually giving a shit.

He shrugs as Johnny takes the cigarette from his hand.

It's silent for a moment and Mark's cold again. He claws at his sleeves and curls into himself.

"Are you cold?"

Johnny's wrapping an arm around Mark's waist, tugging him close until their sides touch. Mark melts into the contact.

"Why'd you take me here?" he asks, cheek pressing into the side of Johnny's arm.

"Tired of the dealer house. Another client is staying with her, and they have sex all the time so I had to leave because they're so god damn loud."

Straight to the point, that's how Johnny's replies always are. Mark appreciates the honesty.

He hums. "You're not sleeping with the dealer anymore?"

"Not for a while at least."

Mark hates how his heart aches when he hears that. "Oh."

Johnny drops the cigarette butt from the balcony and into the parking lot below them.

"I know it bothers you." he tilts his head down, and Mark can't look him in the eyes.

"When I sleep with her." he continues. Mark tenses, Johnny can probably feel him do that under his arm.

"No, it's fine." he denies, lies between his teeth. His feelings can go fuck off.

"You sure?"

Mark nods. Pussy, he thinks to himself.

He can never open up about his emotions and he expects to be in a fucking relationship with Johnny without that value of trust?

Mark's teeth sink into his lip. If he was alone, he would scream.

"Let's go back inside now, yeah?" Johnny breaks Mark out of his thoughts. The arm around his waist drops and intertwines their fingers together.

The blush on Mark's cheeks warms his face up and his eyes lock onto the ground. "Yeah."

Johnny tugs him back into the room.

—
im not dead ! sorry this chapter was low key shit. thank you all for waiting