Drunk Go-Karting Gone Wrong

Drunk Go-Karting

The following Saturday at the go-karting place, Neil calls Brad. "Where are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Seriously dude? You KNEW we were going drunk go-karting this weekend!"
"Yeah, I knew we were going drunk go-karting 'this weekend', not that we were going right this second!"
"I told you on Wednesday that we were going today."
"Yeah, but you didn't tell me what time."
"Yes I did. I told you that you had to be here by 1."
"No you didn't."
"Whatever. You know now, and you still have half an hour."
"That's not enough time."
"Yes it is." Neil argued as he hung up before Brad had a chance to say anything. After about an hour of waiting and trying to call Brad, only so it would go straight to voicemail, Brad finally does arrive. "What the fuck took you so long?!" Neil complained. "Oh I don't know. Maybe the fact that you waited until a half an hour before we were supposed to be here to tell me what time I was supposed to be here?"
"No I didn't. I told you on Wednesday. You probably just don't remember because you like to drink during the day since you're a loser."
"I find it funny how you bash on anyone who drinks during the day, meanwhile you're the one that came up with the stupid idea to go go-karting while drunk... During the day!"
"Yeah, but I have a reason to drink during the day."
"Oh, and what is that reason? That same stupid idea to go go-karting while drunk?"
"It's not stupid!"
"Honestly, after that hockey incident, it kind of is."
"But it's worth it!"
"That's true, but I don't wanna have to go bail Adam out of jail with a hangover again tomorrow or get a million calls from you asking why you woke up here."
"That's your fault for leaving me there."
"I didn't leave you there. I have no idea what happened."
"Right." He huffed. "Where's Adam?"
"He didn't want to come."
"What?!"
"Yeah. He told me he stopped drinking."
"DOUBLE WHAT?!"
"That's what he said."
"But he's hot while he's drunk!"
"No he's not. He's hot all of the time."
"True. Wanna break into his house and bang him while he's sleeping later?"
"OMG YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
"YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
"YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
"YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" After a while of Neil and Brad yelling 'yas' like a couple of faggots, Adam suddenly bursts in as Brad turns to Neil confused. "Wait! I thought he wasn't coming."
"When did I say that?" Adam asked. "Neil told me you stopped drinking."
"And you're actually gonna *hiccup* believe that shit?"
"Well, at least one of us is ready." Neil sighed. "Also, Brad was talking about banging you in your sleep later."
"DUDE!!!!" Brad yelled as he turned back to Adam. "Sorry man. He got a little TOO drunk."
"I'm not drunk at all actually. I'm definitely talking about something."
"Neil, if you don't stop lying to him, I will leave you here!"
"I'm lying to him? Really? Because last I checked, you just asked me 5 seconds ago if I wanted to break into his house later and bang him while he's asleep, and I haven't had any beer yet."
"I won't *hiccup* be at my *hiccup* house later. I'll *hiccup* be at Brad's house *hiccup* banging his *hiccup* wife."
"Wait! What?" Brad blurted out. "Exactly what I *hiccup* said!"
"Brad, don't take it literally man. He's drunk as shit right now and probably has no idea what he's saying." Neil said. "Wow! You think I don't see that?" Brad huffed. "I mean, we were supposed to be drunk an hour ago too, but instead, I was here waiting for your slow asses to get here."
"Yeah, well I now have to *hiccup* sit here and *hiccup* wait for your *hiccup* slow asses to *hiccup* get *hiccup* drunk." Adam butted in. "Well maybe you gay fairies should've been earlier!" That was when Adam suddenly tears up. "What?"
"You called me a gay fairy."
"Well, you are a gay fairy, and so is he, so I don't know what else to tell you." Adam then starts wailing hysterically while still hiccuping. "Really dude? You're going to cry all because I called you a little name?"
"I'M NOT A LITTLE *hiccup* NAME!!!!!" Adam screamed. "I wasn't actually calling you 'a little name', dumb ass! And even if I was, I don't see how that's insulting."
"YOU *hiccup* CALLED ME *hiccup* LITTLE!!!!!"
"Adam, I wasn't calling you little. I was referring the 'gay fairies' comment as a little name, and even if I was calling you little, we all know it's not true. You're like 6'2."
"I'M NOT *hiccup* 62!!!!!!"
"No! 6 feet and 2 inches tall, dumb ass!"
"NOW YOU'RE *hiccup* CALLING ME *hiccup* TALL?!?!?!?!"
"You ARE tall." He said as Adam started wailing harder. "Fine, you're medium sized. You happy now?"
"NO!!!! YOU *hiccup* WON'T STOP *hiccup* CALLING ME *hiccup* NAMES!!!!!"
"Okay. You don't want me to call you tall, you don't want me to call you small, and you don't want me to call you medium sized, so WHAT DO I CALL YOU?!"
"HOW ABOUT BY MY *hiccup* NAME!!!! DOES THAT *hiccup* SOUND LIKE A *hiccup* PLAN?!?!?!?!"
"Whatever man. I don't have time to argue with you." He huffed as he stormed up to the counter. Soon, an employee approaches him. "Hello. What can I get you today?"
"3 tickets for go-karting, and some beer for after."
"After? But I *hiccup* thought we were going *hiccup* drunk go-karting!" Adam blurted out. "ADAM!" Neil yelled as he turned back to the employee. "Don't listen to him. He's really drunk right now. The beer is for after."
"Alright well. How about you go go-karting now? And I'll give you your beer after."
"We won't have time to get it after."
"Well, I'm either gonna have to give it to you after, or I can't give it to you at all because you can't go on the go-karts while drunk, especially while there's  kids there."
"We're not going on the go-karts while drunk."
"Then why is he already drunk?"
"He's not going."
"YES I *hiccup* AM!!!!" Adam screamed. "No you're not Adam. The lady said you're not allowed to go on the go-karts while drunk."
"If he's not going, then who is the third ticket for?"
"Our other friend. He's just using the washroom."
"So you promise you're not going to go on the go-karts while drunk?"
"Yes."
"I'm not supposed to do this, but fine. I'll give you your beer now, but you have to leave it out here and they'd better all be full and sealed shut."
"Okay."
"How many beers do you want?"
"35."
"35 bottles of beer? For 3 people?"
"No. The beer is for a party I'm holding at my house later tonight, and I told everybody that I would buy the beer."
"Okay. Now this is definitely getting suspicious."
"Why? I told you I'd leave it out here."
"Why can't you just get it later?"
"I already told you why. Because I won't have time. By the time we come out, it will be like 5 minutes before the party starts."
"Fine." She groaned as she got the beer and gave them to Neil. "Wait! You promise this is all 35?"
"Yes guy, it is all 35. Anything else?"
"Yes. I have a name and it's not guy!"
"Whatever. Just take it and shut up!" She huffed as Neil grabbed some of the beer bottles, but then he turns to Brad. "Uh... A little help here?"
"Alright, I'm sorry. Fuck!" Brad responded as he went up to the counter as they each took 2 bottles at a time outside. "Now what are you doing?" The employee sighed. "We're taking the bottles out to the car." Neil lied. "No, I told you you have to leave them here!"
"What? No! Someone might take them if we leave them here!"
"Fine, but you'd better just be taking them to your car, because if you come back in even a little drunk, I'm calling the cops." She sighed again as they took the bottles outside. As they're taking the last 4 bottles outside, Brad gets in the back of the car, but then he pauses when he sees Neil getting in on the driver's side. "No dude!" He blurted out. "What?"
"Don't sit in the driver's seat!"
"Why?"
"Because it's already bad enough that you just lied to that lady. I don't want someone walking by, seeing you in the driver's seat drinking beer, and probably thinking something is up, to add to that."
"Fine!" He groaned as he got in the back. He and Brad then drink all of the beers. After that, they try to sneak back in and slip past the employee, which had been going smoothly at first, but then she sees Adam wobbling along. "Sir!" She called, but then he continues wobbling as if he didn't hear anything. "Great! I knew I shouldn't have trusted them!" She sighed as she pulled out her phone and called the cops. "911. What is your emergency?"
"Hi, I work at a Bowling arena, and 3 guys just came in, ordered 35 bottles of beer and go-karting tickets, lied about having a party later, then told me they were just taking the beers out to the car, but they said it as a way past me to go go-karting while drunk, perfectly aware of the fact that there are probably kids up there!"
"Okay. What arena is it?" The operator asked as the employee told him the name of the arena. "Alright. An officer will be there in about 5 minutes."
"Thank you!"
"Have a good day!"
"You too! Bye bye!"
"Bye!" The operator exclaimed as the employee hangs up. In the line to the go-karts, I hear really familiar voices talking behind me, so then I look... "What the fuck! Is that Three Days Grace?" I blurted out, probably louder than I should have. "May *hiccup* be." Adam responded. "Fuck yeah! I'm about to be go-karting with Three Days Grace!" I exclaimed. After what felt like forever waiting, the remaining people that were in front of us in the line were finally finished, so then I, with a bunch of other people, including the band, went in and put on helmets... Except the band. They just trotted straight to the go-karts. When I got my helmet on, I went over to a go-kart. That was when I noticed Adam right in front of me. I was seriously thinking of tailing him until we get to the starting line, then just start wiping him out once that slow ass light turns green, but whenever my brother and I go go-karting, we're only allowed to bump into each other, so I decided fuck it, but shortly after we started go-karting, someone bumped into me as my go-kart aggressively rammed into the wall. When I looked to see who it was, I was surprised to see that it wasn't my brother. It was Adam, so as soon as one of the employees pulled me back on the track and dismissed everybody to start driving again, I drove full speed after Adam and rammed into him full force as all of the go-karts once again come to a complete stop, but by the time my go-kart stops, I look over and see Adam unconscious. "OH SHIT!!!" I squawked. "Madam?" No response. "Are you alright Madam?" No response. "MADAM!" No response, so then I get out of the go-kart, run over there, grab him, drag him off the track back into the other room with the helmets and stuff, and sit with him for a few minutes until Brad and Neil return. Brad then notices Adam unconscious and squawks in horror. "SHE KILLED MY *hiccup* BOYFRIEND!!!!!" He screamed as he starts wailing hysterically. "It was an accident, and he's not dead. He's just unresponsive."
"Yeah. Usually when someone is *hiccup* unresponsive, it *hiccup* means they're *hiccup* dead!"
"No it doesn't. He's still breathing, dumb ass!"
"Oh."
"He's going with me to the hospital when he wakes up."
"BUT HE'S *hiccup* MINE!!!!" Brad screeched again. "I don't care. You guys are not driving while you're drunk like this!"