Janiel One-Shots

Alone (Rewrite {actually sad})

Okay so I'm rewriting the one-shot know as Alone (sad).
Here's my reason: that was some cringe worthy shit. Now my writing has changed
(Things have changed for me, and that's OK.
Y'all most likely wouldn't understand that Panic! Reference)

!!!!Okay anyways this will have a trigger warning, self harm, suicide, self degrading thoughts, homophobic slurs, and mention of eating disorder. Just a warning in case it's sensitive or triggering for readers, I gotta make sure you're all safe while reading this. It'll probably be most likely through out this entire chapter¡¡¡¡

Okay now we can start
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·Joey's POV·

It has been an entire month since Daniel has acknowledged my presence.

Not being acknowledged by my own boyfriend is more painful than you think. You're probably thinking, "Oh Joey you're being plainfully ridiculous" Oh no, reality check my fren (TØP |-/)
it's pretty painful if you know what I feel. Nothing helps me cope with this. I sound clingy, don't I? I mean you'd probably sound clingy at this point of an entire month of being ignored by your boyfriend.

Now here's what I've struggled with. I've been struggling with depression, anxiety, and a developed eating disorder. I'll explain each one. My depression has gotten the best of me, let me just say it's not good. I've self harmed a lot over the past month and it gets worse each time. I just got really sad and then I had really bad thoughts. For example:

"You're just a worthless fuck up Joey, Daniel doesn't love you"

"No wonder why Daniel ignores you, you're literally nothing to him."

"You're so ugly, maybe that's why Daniel hasn't talked to you. He probably can't stand looking at you." And you know so on, these thoughts have gotten worse and my mind is screwed up. I don't know but I've learned to trust my thoughts. Bad idea, I know. I don't ever tell anyone. I just practiced faking a "genuine" smile.

Now my anxiety gets the best of me whenever it wants. I'll have a panic (!) Attack whenever I think of Daniel hating me and wanting to break up with me. I can't really go anywhere without panicking (at the disco). I'll just break down completely. I also don't have the courage to post on my YouTube channel(s).

Now the eating disorder I've developed is anorexia. I've had my thoughts, and some of them are about my looks and my body. So I look pretty rough. I don't feel good about myself so I either starve myself for a few days or keep track of my calories. Either way helps me lose weight. I've gotten to the point of my ribs poking out and my like my legs and fingers are very skinny. I feel ashamed about how I used to look, but I'm starting to feel better. I don't want to get help because I don't need the help.

1 month later...

It has been another whole month since Daniel has acknowledged my presence.

At this point, I give up. My depression, my anxiety, and my anorexia have gotten worse.

My depression and my depressing thoughts have gotten a lot worse. Like let me explain. I have nightmares that I don't even want to mention, I have a lot more scars from self harm, and the voices in my head scream at me. Like when you play your music in your headphones and turn it up all the way to the limit, loud. I mean they're my only friends at this point. My other friends have given up on me, as exprected. Trustworthy friends.