Our Farm

10

Chapter Ten | My Guardian Angle
Tuesday

I woke up abruptly in a coughing fit. My head throbbed with a headache and my bones felt like melting. If I had listened to the doctor more clearly, I may have known my symptoms and how to deal with them. But since I zoned out, I am left in the dark.

I slowly got out of bed placing all my weight on my right foot. This small action caused a painful wave through my body, and my brain began to tingle.

I reminded myself to breathe in and out. The slower I breathed, the less tension on my lungs occurred. I kept doing this until my right foot could handle all my weight, then I moved onto the left. The same thing happened. My body took a while to get used to my weight, but once I could manage it, I walked to the bathroom with assistance of the walls, grabbing a cup of water.

The cold substance ran down my throat. My esophagus felt warm against the cold water, so I felt it going all the way down to my stomach.

It was an odd sensation. One I hope to never have again because afterwards my meals from yesterday came up and into the toilet.

Tears streamed down my checks as always when I vomit. My throat felt twice the size it was yesterday. My stomach was empty. My mouth tasted terrible. My head throbbed with a headache. The conclusion of this— I was very ill.

I sat down on the floor leaning against the bathtub putting my hair up in a pony tail. I was groaning at the pain in my body, the pain in my thoughts, just pain all over.

All I could think about is what was happening now. There was no distracting my mind with thinking about the past or future. Although thinking about my past and future may only make things worse. My brain deeply consisted of only certain thoughts. Such as, if my bronchitis could evolve into something more. What would it be? Do I have it now?

My mind swept these endless thoughts as cry's left my mouth in pain.

My cry's must have been loud because Ben came running into the washroom. He flopped down beside me cradling me in his warm soothing arms. 

He stroked my check. "It's okay. You're going to be fine." His comments didn't sound directed to me as much as they were to reassure himself. I looked up at Ben to see he was crying as well. Why was he crying?

I felt my eyelids falling and my checks swelling. My heart thumped in my chest. And for a while, that was all I heard. It was peaceful in Ben's arms. When I was younger and I was sick my brother Joseph would try to help me feel better but I would always push him away. When he tried to make me feel better, it would only make it worse.

I remember I got sick a lot as a kid. I'd have to stay home alone hoping my illness would go away soon. It always did. Usually it was just a cold or that one time it was the chicken pox. But every time my brother tried to help. Or so I thought. The first couple times I let him help me feel better. But after a while I got annoyed by him, by my parents, by my life, and zoned myself out of the world.

I hate my brother. You'd think since I never see my parents, my brother would be more caring and wanting to take care of his little sister. It's quite the opposite really.

Lying in Ben's arms, I felt for the first time like I was safe. Like I had a guardian looking over me actually wanting to help. For the first time I felt like I had a parent that deserved my love.

A little while later, when I worked up my strength, I sniffled my nose. I patted Ben on the check "thanks big boy." I soon rubbed my tears away and took a deep breath in. Ben unwrapped his arms from my stomach as my head left his shoulder. I stood up grabbing his hand, him helping me up. This time it was a lot easier. I must have fallen asleep since my leg was also asleep. When I stood up, pins and needles spread throughout my leg.