Diary of the Forgotten Kid: Raw Thoughts!

Diary of the Forgotten Kid: Raw Thoughts Part 1

I'm not going to do the "you must wonder how I got here cliché" but I know a lot of people fake their depression and anxiety for attention... So out of respect to everyone including me who do have severe depression and anxiety, see this as my only escape right now and my only way to interact with the outside world to find the help and support I need. Like in the previous piece I wrote I said I'm not crazy because even though I might act crazy that isn't the real me. I'm a guy so imagine I can't show my emotions like that because that's what society makes us out to be. "Real men don't cry" so real men don't have emotions? It makes no sense because a "real man" would cry at his son/daughter's birth and he would cry at his wife's illness god forbid. So just because I have a million and one emotions does that not make me a real man? If so then I don't want to be a real man. What's a real man now? The way everyone has been men lately got girls saying men are trash 24/7 so I'm sorry if I'm not a "real man" because I don't want to be anything like you. Maybe I'm not the best person or the best man but I promise if anyone got to know me for me they'd find that I'd never ever want to hurt them. It's sad that when I'm with someone I don't want them to leave that much that I'd rather be dead to see them leave. And why's that? Because I've always been alone and I enjoyed being someone's special one. I enjoyed being someone's favourite. I enjoyed being loved regardless of it was fake or not. I enjoyed spending my days going parks and jumping over fences late at night just to stargaze together and risk getting caught. I enjoyed doing things together. But I should've known it wouldn't last to be honest. I know these are raw thoughts so I'm sorry if you're confused this is my mind speaking right now and I'm letting all my thoughts out right now. My mind has been messy for a while and I needed an escape here as soon as I could. I really do I can reach out for help and reach out to people who are going through the same thing and we can help each other out and get through this journey together. When I was 15 my best friend committed suicide... She would be proud of me if I help someone from going down the same path because the truth is I'm just a failed suicide mission. I've overdosed many times that the hospital has literally become my second home. Everyone left me on the ground but will want me back when I'm in the sky. I fucking hate myself for even letting people walk over me and still forgiving them. LIKE WTF DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN WANT FROM ME! So I'm meant to get counselling right. Okay so I'm on some waiting list for 3 years until I finally go counselling and they told me you never took an overdose cuz you didn't want to kill yourself. Okay so people according to my stupid counsellor if you don't wanna kill yourself but you wanna knock yourself out to sleep so you forget all your problems that's not an overdose even though you're taking triple the dosage of your fucking prescription. IT'S ALL BULLSHIT! They don't fucking care as long as they get a bit of paper in their pocket. That's all it really it is... paper. Money has no value to me all it ever is is the root to all evil. How could it be valuable to me when even salt was once currency? The same way we put them on our chips to eat is the same way we will use the paper we call money to draw on one day and we'll have something else for currency. I need help and I hope whoever who is reading this and can relate or can help or even just wants to talk just to drop me a message where we can just talk things out and all. If not my story will continue so they'll be a new part everyday. I love you all ❤️❤️❤️