This is a story about 5 family members diagnosed with cancer.

Six Months Before My Storm

S

ixth months prior to my storm, I was dealing with my mother's storm. Towards the end of 2016 and early part of 2017, my mother's health had begun declining. She was in bed most of the day, and when I talked to her on the phone, she would say things like "she wasn't feeling good" or "she was tired," but she always downplayed the severity of her situation. I can count the number of times on one hand that I saw my mother sick over the years, so I knew if she actually admitted not feeling good, then it wasn't good.

My mom had told me about a lump in her breast six months prior, so I worried that the lump was the cause of her discomfort. I knew that if the lump was causing her pain and discomfort there was a big possibility that it was cancerous. When she first told me about her lump, she told me that she wouldn't be getting any medical attention for it. Instead, she decided that she would pray to the Lord for healing. When the lump and the pain from it got worse, she decided to start a home remedy instead of seeking medical attention. Unfortunately, the remedy didn't help, and her health continued to decline.

My family begged her to seek medical attention which she rejected. Knowing that my mother was against medical care, I hated asking her to seek treatment, but I knew that she was in pain and I was hoping that the doctor would give her medication to treat her pain. She continued to reject our requests for her to seek medical care and she continued to pray over her situation; meanwhile, her health drastically declined.

Most of my siblings who lived out of state were unaware of how bad my mother's condition really was. Whenever I called my mother, she would pretend that she was ok. She would tell us whatever we needed to hear so that we didn't worry about her. Her health had gotten so bad that she eventually stopped taking our calls. I later found out that the breathing issue she had which was due to a fluid build-up in her lungs made it hard for her to talk on the phone.

Initially, it was very important for us to respect our mother's wishes so when she said she didn't want to seek medical treatment, we didn't push it. It was so hard to sit back and know that my mother was suffering when all she had to do was seek medical attention. After hearing from a family member near my mother about how bad her condition had gotten, a few of my siblings and I flew home to take her to the hospital.

When we made it to my mother's house, we were greeted by some of our cousins and my mother's siblings who were in town to urge her to seek medical attention as well. My mother was really adamant about not seeking treatment, so she declined her siblings' requests.

I remember the feeling when I first walked into my mother's house. The energy was off which I knew meant that things were worse than I expected. Looking into the faces of my mother's brothers and seeing sadness also confirmed my suspicions that my mother was not ok. When I walked into my mother's bedroom, I was shocked to see all of the things that were there that shouldn't have been. I remember seeing a toilet and a breathing treatment machine that I had no idea that she was using. Seeing a toilet in her bedroom meant that my mother was confined to her bedroom and I was unaware of that. It hurt to know that my mother was struggling and I wasn't there when she needed me most.

After my siblings and I begged and pleaded with my mother to go to the hospital, she agreed to let the ambulance take her. We walked the halls of the hospital for hours that night waiting on feedback about my mother's health. We heard a lot of suspicions from different people but nothing concrete. I even overheard a doctor on the phone with someone saying that my mother had breast cancer and pneumonia. All we were told that night was that they were admitting her so that they could run more tests. They gave her pain meds to help her with the pain that was being caused by the lump that had begun protruded through her bruised breast.

The doctors eventually diagnosed my mother with metastatic cancer. By the time she made it to the hospital, the cancer that started in her breast had spread to other parts of her body. I remember sitting in her room thinking about how her late diagnosis could have contributed to her late-stage cancer. To possibly avoid that diagnosis myself, I knew that I needed to seek care.

The doctors requested that my mother take chemotherapy to prolong her life pass the 6 months that they gave her without it but she declined. She declined chemo and told us that she wanted to continue to lean on the Lord.

Hearing her say that she wouldn't take the chemo was hard. All I could think about was that she had a chance to prolong her life to be with us and she wasn't taking it. I failed to realize that this wasn't about me. My mom had raised her children and helped raise several others, and it was only right that she put herself first and she was doing so by solely leaning on God. It was hard to think about the consequences of her decision, but I accepted that it was her decision to make.

I have since learned that when it comes to cancer treatment there is no right answer. You can either go the traditional route by receiving treatment or the nontraditional route by not and leaning on the Lord. Accepting that she was declining chemo treatment meant that I had to accept that there was a big chance that she wouldn't make it to see the next year. I knew that I had to be ok with that, so I continuously prayed for strength to make it through those days when the time came.

For the next coupleof months, we heard a lot of bad news from the doctors, so I was constantly reminding my mother that God has the last say. Whenthe prognosis became harder for her to hear, I would remind her that thedoctors talked about science and medicine,but we focused on the word of the higherpower. This always helped her because even though she acted unaffected, it was obvious that all of the badnews was draining her emotionally.