Changing Perrie (Sequel to Saving Perrie)

Changing Perrie Chp 39

~ Chapter 39 ~

Quarantined on my bedroom floor, I sat in the corner for hours, with my knees held tight to my chest, currently feeling shattered inside like a smashed vase.

My mind traveled back in time to that very first moment I met Zayn. Why did I have to open my big mouth and talk to him in the first place?

Because he was the most attractive human being you've ever laid your eyes upon, my brain so annoyingly reminded me. I wish back then I had known its not always a smart thing to talk to every human being you encounter.

I wish I could have been like a normal person and just minded my own damn business on that plane ride. It sure as hell would have saved me a broken heart more than once..

As my mind was circling through its memories of the past, a few words that have once been said were suddenly brought to my own attention.

"I promise, if we break up again, we won't get back together" - Zayn Malik during our last break up.

A break up this time was never specified but I just can't see myself with someone who brings me more pain than happiness. Time after time we've called it off and time after time we've called it back. I'm sick of the constant back and forth between the two us and our roller coaster that only went up, suddenly gave out and tumbled down a slippery slope.

Zayn and I were finished. For good this time.

Perplexing it all was, for I always figured Zayn and I would be together for a long time. If you had asked me months ago what would break the two of us up, I would have undeniably said nothing.

It's strange, why wasn't I hysterically crying, why wasn't I lashing out? Maybe because I knew this was coming. Zayn and I hadn't been ourselves lately and our relationship started to feel forced to me. Almost as if we knew everyone wanted us to be together and that was the only thread keeping us as a whole.

This changed everything, and I mean everything. The dynamics of our group are slowly starting to become a tragedy and it's all Zayn and I's fault. I desperately needed to call him, I couldn't let everyone else's relationships go into ruins because ours did.

You just wanna hear his voice, my conscience mocked me. I blocked out the voices crowding my head as I dialed Zayn's number.

The phone rang and rang and I started to get the impression that he wasn't going to answer my call, when just then, I heard a click.

"Perrie." He mumbled softly.

"Hey we need to talk." I choked out. "Um or I just really need you to listen." I weeped, my voice suddenly getting softer.

I expected him to call me controlling like he had done once before but I was shocked to hear him reply, "Of course."

I breathed deeply not knowing how to go about the words I was about to speak but I decided it would be best if I just ripped the bandaid off and said them.

"I don't know what your feelings are, but while I've been sitting in my room trying to comprehend what the hell just happened, I've figured out mine, and it pains me to say this but I'm finally putting my foot down. I've decided that I can't continue in this relationship anymore. I'm constantly unhappy Zayn and its exhausting trying to put a smile on my own face everyday. And I'll admit that the time that we've shared was enjoyable most of the time, but lately the bad times surpass the good ones and it just isn't working out anymore. I'm sorry, it's just, I'm really fucking sorry it has to be this way."

I wasn't really sure how I expected him to respond, but normally he goes above and beyond to steal my heart back and my foolish self falls for it every time. Not this time though. Although, all I heard back through the phone was silence.