When Death Is The Answer

Chapter 1

On July 7, 2008; I was done teaching high school for the semester and was in the process of typing a final assignment for a two week summer course, when I was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Rushing into the kitchen, I picked it up on the third ring.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hi, Sweetie!” replied the familiar voice.  

“Hi Hon! What’s up?” I asked.

“Well … they found out what was wrong with me,” he replied. 

“Oh, what did they find out?” I absently questioned my mind still thinking about the assignment on my computer screen. 

In a laughing voice he stated, “It seems I have a brainstem tumour.”

Something didn’t make sense. The tone was too light-hearted. Thinking I misheard I quickly repeated,

“You have a what?”

“A brain tumour,” he easily responded.   

Slowly I sank to the floor in disbelief as my mind tried to process as to what I was hearing. In trying to discern the meaning of his words, a multitude of fearful questions swarmed through my head.

“How could he have a brainstem tumour? He’s only 38 years old! He’s too young! Something this serious only happens in the movies or to other people, not to him! Not to couples married for only 7 months! What did this mean? How could he be so sick?  How did this occur? His symptoms were supposed to be due to something simple; perhaps a misaligned spine, the deterioration of a disc, sinus polyps or a maybe an eye ailment but a brainstem tumour? This was inconceivable! It wasn’t even on the radar of remote possibilities! What was a brainstem tumour? Was it curable? Was it even treatable?”   

As the interrogation within me ceaselessly continued, I was amazed at my husband’s calmness.  He was actually full of humour as he described how the 5:00 a.m. pulsating MRI sounded like a bad rock concert. He then explained how it was during his appointment with the ENT (Ears, Nose and Throat) specialist later that morning that the tumour was discovered. After the preliminary examination, the ENT was able to electronically retrieve Rene’s MRI images. After reviewing the scans, he called Rene over, indicated a particular highlighted area and said, “Well, there’s the source of your problems. It seems you have quite a large mass growing on your brainstem.”

As I listened, I couldn’t but wonder as to why Rene’s diagnosis hadn’t been determined a year earlier when he had gone to see his own family physician after the appearance of his first symptom. During that time, Rene’s right eye was slowly turning inward. If he covered his left eye, it would jump back into place. Rene initially dismissed the “oddity” as a possible genetic eye problem because eye issues were known to occur in his family. However, after experiencing episodes of double vision, he became more perturbed and finally made an appointment with his family doctor. Rene was therefore quite surprised when his doctor claimed that there was nothing medically wrong with him. He was in good health and with regards to his right eye; he only needed the removal of an eyelash! The physician’s mannerism suggested that perhaps Rene had over-reacted. Despite the unexpected but positive conclusion, Rene was somewhat angry at the implied innuendo and quite frustrated at being dismissed so abruptly. Persistently, he requested for a referral to an ophthalmologist. In the interim, Rene also decided to see an optometrist. The optometrist claimed that Rene’s right eye was slightly weaker in its vision, but there were no other concerns. When he was finally tested by the ophthalmologist, he was told that his symptoms may have been caused by a mild stroke, but no additional tests or follow-up appointments were requested.