nobody else but you

four

later that night he tells seulgi everything over text. tells her about all of jennie's attempts to get with him, and how he deleted the messages so he wouldn't engage with her. told seulgi everything jennie had said to him, and how he didn't believe her because she was just trying to get to him. he told her that jennie kissed him, and he pulled away just as quickly because he wants nothing to do with jennie. he shared that this past week with seulgi had been the best week, and he's sad that it's ending so soon because all he wants is a proper chance to be with her.

he admitted to seulgi that he knew they wouldn't work out, because the odds were always against him. she's too good for him, he doesn't deserve her, and it turned about to be true. he promises not to bother her anymore... that he'll leave her alone like she wants him to, but he just wanted to get these feelings off his chest first. his last message to her confesses that he loves her, and she filled a hole that he was missing in his heart, but he understands that love is a complex creature, and some people don't end up with the ones they love.

it also turns out that maybe jennie was telling the truth, and jaebum feels bitter when he spies seulgi on a date with jimin less than a week later. he's reminded of what he had, and what he lost, and it stings more than he could have imagined. he's lonely, hasn't been eating well, sleeping well, or taking care of himself in general. but she's happy, living her life... carrying on as if nothing ever happened between them. it makes jabeum wonder if she ever truly cared about him... but it's a path he doesn't want to go down.

he runs into her two days after that, at a coffee shop, tells her that he knows about jimin and he's happy for her. he walks off before he says anything stupid, like how he still thinks about her, dreams about her, misses her immensely... so he doesn't see seulgi crying. he doesn't know that she's still hurting. that she only went on one date with jimin and then broke it off because she couldn't help but compare him to jaebum, and it wasn't fair because jaebum would always rank higher for her. jaebum doesn't know that seulgi loves him back, but she's afraid of getting hurt.

when the semester is over, jaebum moves out into a studio apartment not too far from campus, but far enough where he feels isolated. it's what he wants. he knows seulgi would have moved already too, and if he is ever getting over her, he'll have to distance himself and do his best to decrease the chance of running into her. since there's a break from school, it doesn't leave him with much distraction however. he gets a part time job, but that also doesn't help take his mind off of seulgi. he starts drinking more, alone, and it's such a bad habit, but he can't help it. he adopts some cats, locks himself away in his apartment and chills with them. he doesn't hook up with random girls anymore, barely talks to any females unless it's his mom or wendy. he only talks to wendy because he's a masochist and wants to check up on seulgi. wendy always tells him the same thing, she's managing and he doesn't know what that means but even if he was to ask, wendy wouldn't tell him.

mark comes over, threatens to beat him with a stick if he doesn't come out and have fun for once. jaebum doesn't see the point, feels like a beating would hurt less than forcing himself to pretend to have a good time. he goes anyway because there's a promise for alcohol and his supply is running low.

he drinks until he has no control, his words are slurred, he can't even see clearly, and he can barely move without wanting to hurl or lie down. he goes home with some girl though, and he knows he'll hate himself in the morning for it, but he's too drunk to stop himself.

he wakes to a gnarly headache and he wants to vomit but doesn't have the strength to. there's a bottle of sports drink by his side along with some aspirin and he downs the entire bottle with the two pills. he looks around, the room is unfamiliar with white walls decorated with black furniture, and a shelving unit displaying vinyls and artwork, a vanity littered with makeup, art supplies and an overturned picture frame. he's curious, so he walks over to it, picking it up and he almost drops it in shock. it's a photo of he and seulgi.