Legend of the White Wolf || Jacob Black x Oc

Chapter 7: Bottled Emotions

The walk home had been quiet. You hadn't even noticed that you had let your guard down and your fake happy act in front of Jacob, but he had. Unaware to you, he had been staring at you almost the entire walk to your house. You on the other hand, were busy thinking- Well, more like worrying about anything and everything possible; The White Wolf, your "sacred duty", imprinting on Jacob, him not imprinting on you, the pack... how you'll never truly be a part of it. You twiddled your fingers while you thought, not even realizing you were doing it. Jacob however, did notice and he knew that it meant you were nervous or something was bothering you, but he kept quiet for the time being, unsure if he should break you out of your thoughts. He knew you would talk to him about it when you were ready to.

Soon your house was in sight and you started walking slower and fiddling more. You didn't want to go back home, Knowing you'll probably be scolded by you mom again... Specially since the past couple of days you had been coming home late when you parents were asleep and leaving in the morning before they even woke up, trying desperately to avoid her. Your father, Being human, wasn't as bad about it... he understood how hard this all was for you, mostly because he couldn't even begin to image having to do the things you had to. You started to think what would happen if your mom found out you had been getting closer to the pack... you almost cringed at the thought... she already disproved of you being so close to Jacob. Something along the lines of 'He's a distraction to your duties' and 'Your attachment to that boy will get you and the entire pack killed'  You cross your arms and start rubbing one of your arms with your thumb. She never cared or had a problem with him up until you left... up until you changed for the first time.

When you got close enough to your house that you couldn't slow your pace anymore without stopping, you maneuvered your way towards the backyard. Jacob paused for a moment confused, but continued following you without a word. You silently press your back up against the back wall of your house and let yourself slide down it until you were sitting down in the grass. Jacob watches you carefully, then sits down beside you in the grass. You start picking at the blades of grass near you, not saying anything. You honestly half expected Jacob to of just left, but you knew better. It was obvious something was up with you and he wouldn't just leave you like that. 

"What's going on Iris" Jacob finally spoke up, breaking the silence. You don't really react at all, which concerns him more. It's quiet again for a minute before you turn a look him in the eyes. What were you even supposed to say? "I don't know... or at least I don't know how to put in into words... with what I'm allowed to tell you anyway" He sighed at that. You knew he was tired of all the secrets and you were too. You were so used to being able to tell him everything... but now it was all being bottled up and if he didn't figure out about you soon, you were going to burst. You were already cracking as it was, so it was only a matter of time. It didn't help that by not being able to really talk to him... it felt like you were slowly pushing him away. What if he just gave up on you? You groan pulling you knees up to your chest and putting your head in your arms. "All these stupid rules are driving me crazy... I'm so afraid that you'll never figure it out... and soon all the secrets I have to keep from you will push you away from me..." You feel yourself start crying as you said your thoughts out loud. Jacob listened carefully to each word and put his hand on your back to comfort you. You turn your head that was still resting on your arms so you could look at him again "I can't lose you Jacob... I can't..." you start crying more and he quickly pulls you into a hug and tries to calm you down the best he can "I'm not going anywhere, Iris" He says with a sigh, his heart breaking at you even thinking that being a possibility "We've been best friends for years... nothing could change that..." You appreciated the words, but you knew that wasn't 100% true. Bella could... you thought to yourself "Yes the secrets ever since you got back are frustrating..." He admitted, not making you feel much better "but I know it's not your fault... we both have rules and laws put in place for us..." You sigh and bury your face into his chest "yea, well it fucking sucks..." you sob, making him laugh a little.

The sound of your mothers voice inside the house makes you jump and curl up closer to Jacob. "Things been rough at home?" He asks you and you just nod. "Is that why you insisted on staying at my house the day you came to visit?" another nod, then silence.

"My mom... doesn't see me as a person really anymore... she doesn't care about who I am... just what I am. There are so many rules... or so called laws... sacred duty... I'm not allowed to be just a human anymore... and if I disobey any of these rules, she yells at me. If she found out about today... she'd lose it..." Jacob looks at you, then out towards the forest behind your house. You looked up at him, wondering what was going on in his mind. "Wait- Why would she lose it if she found out about today?" It was like he was trying to piece things together. You grumbled, knowing you said too much already and then looked out towards the woods where he had been looking. "I'm not supposed to talk about it" He looks more confused "...I'm not supposed to get close to the pack or have any attachments to them whatsoever" you sigh, knowing you'll probably regret telling him this later. Any ideas Jacob possibly had about what you were suddenly faded in that moment. If you were the white wolf, why would you being near or having attachments to the pack be one of your laws? Wasn't the White wolf supposed to be the pack's protector? His silence made you uneasy, but you continued to just stare into the forest... imagining just shifting and staying there, never having to think or worry about the rules and laws ever again. 

Jacobs eyes slowly made their way back to you, noticing how snuggled up to him you had gotten. Normally this was innocent- you two had done stuff like this many times before, but now it felt different... you both had grown up in the 3 years you had been apart and now stuff like this usually had different meanings. He shrugged off the thought though, not wanting to make things weird. The two of you were just friends, best friends... Plus he had feelings for Bella. "You can always just stay at my house again... If you don't wanna go back... plus I'm sure my dad wouldn't mind, specially if you make breakfast again" he teased a little with a grin, trying to lighten up the mood a bit. You let out a slight laugh and readjusted yourself so you were no longer leaning on him for comfort "... as much as I'd love that, I don't want to do that to Billy... I have to face the music eventually. Pluuuusss she'd eventually just storm down to your house and I'd get even more of a ear full... and who knows what she'd do to you..." Jacob laughed, but you could see a slight bit of nervousness at that comment. 

You stood up and wiped the dirt off your pants, turning towards Jacob just as he stood up as well. "Guess it's that time to face the music" you let out a long sigh, like you were trying to exhale all of your anxiety. "Plus you have to get back to the pack anyways, don't want Sam to have reasons to start disliking me again" You joke, elbowing his arm slightly. He laughs and nods before giving you a warm wolfy hug. "If you need me, you know where to find me" You grin "Right- either your house, orrrr if you aren't there go into the woods and look for a big brown wolf with lovely brown eyes" he laughed and then shook his head, hoping you wouldn't really go looking in the woods for him. He suddenly paused. How did you know what his wolf form looked like? He's never told you or even shown you for that matter. He whipped around to question you, but you had already climbed most the way up the overgrowth and to the window of your room. He decided not to say anything and just walked off, back to Sam's.