My tombstone was an inexpensive but lovely little grey stone located in our town's cemetery.
When I first went to check it out, my soul wallowed in pain at the presence of beautiful flowers, little toys, and framed photos of me wearing a smile.
But what hit me hardest were the old teddy bears and plush toys left behind. Some of those bears looked very loved and cherished, and it's a shame they ended up on a tombstone of someone as pitiful as I. Seeing those bears dug up some memories of myself as a young one, when I was happy and playful and loving.
I tried to remember what changed me from a youthful little girl to a sad, ghost of a person sitting on an old branch, ready to kill herself.
When the answer struck me, pain surged through my mind in a way I've never felt before.
Nothing changed me.
When I took my life, I could still be happy. I could still play and have fun. I could still smile and light up a room.
Now I see without me, my family torn apart, my classmates traumatized, and my neighbors in a state of endless hurt.
They say suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do.
I never believed them until now.
