Venus

Another life

"Are you sure about this?" Karla said while holding my hands, 

I nodded my head, but deep down I still did not know if this was the road I wanted to take. however, we had come now, so I did not want to be indecisive and go home with regrets.  

"Miss Fielding's, the doctor is ready to see you now!" The receptionist, said while smiling. 

I stood up, I looked at her sending her a half-hearted smile. looking back at Karla I was so worried now. I knew she could see it in my face due to her asking me:

"Do you want me to come with?" Karla asked me, ever so gently. 

looking at her, I shook my head. I wanted her to come but I know this was something I needed to do alone.

"I need to do this alone," I replied, starting to head towards the room. 

I stopped for a while, looking at the receptionist. hoping she would guide me in the right direction. 

"Down the hall. Way second door to your right." She softly said. 

Walking down following her instructions, I felt like the hall was so long and the door was like it was moving further away from me, while I was taking each step closer to it,  my hands were shaking, sweating my heart was racing. 

I'm sure, I'm sure. I kept telling myself. I finally reached the door, standing there for a while, I took a deep breath. placing my hands on this silver ball, I turned it clockwise slowly then pushed the door open slowly while peeping my head through there for a while. in front of me was the doctor, was sitting there, behind his desk.

"Hello, Miss Fielding's. Take a seat." He said while gesturing his hand to the open chair, by his desk. 

Walking over, I sat down on the chair.

"How can I help you today?" The doctor said while he sat there, his fingers in bedded into each other. 

I picked up my hand and placed the object that rested there down on the desk.

"I see..." The doctor said. Pulling his fingers apart, he picked up the object.

"So, what are you going to do?" He continued. 

I looked down, I felt so guilty.

"I don't wish to have this baby!" I replied back to his question.

"Oh, I see... Is there a reason why?" He asked me while looking in his draws for something.

"Now isn't the time to bring a life into the mix of so much," I said, I looked up.

"So, what do I do, from here?" I said, just wanting to get this thing out me right away.

"Well, I will book an appointment for you to have a termination, while your waiting I will give you some leaflets. Read them to know what will happen before and after. If you change your mind let us know." He said while typing into his computer screen.

"Thank you!" I said while picking up the leaflets.

"Oh, is the address on here the same? As they will post you the date and time." He said out to me.

"Yes, it is."

"Will then, that's all for now. I'm guessing..." I nodded my head and walked out. 

Once out the door, I let out a big sigh. I couldn't believe it, I was pregnant with Jaspers child. 

I'd not seen him or heard from him since my mum's funeral, and that was just over a month ago. I couldn't bring another baby into a broken family. I knew what I did wasn't nice, but I couldn't see another child of mine suffer. 

I finally reached the waiting room, where Karla was sitting there, looking into her phone. As soon as she saw me she stood up, walking over to me.

"Let's get outta here." She held on to my arm. We walked to the car before I knew it, we were outside my house.

"Want me to come up with you?" She asked me. 

I nodded my head. We got in, I placed the leaflets down on the table. 

"So, let's watch that film, you know the one I told you about," I said patting the chair. She looked at me confused like I'd gone mad.

"Okay...." She replied, sitting beside me. 

As we watched the movie, I laughed and joked about. By now I know she knew or thought I'd gone mad. Before we knew it, it was 7 p.m.

"I don't want to, but I need to make tracks, Work in the morning!" She said.

"That's alright, I'll be fine trust me," I said with a reassuring voice. At this point, I didn't know who I was trying to convince, me or her. 

Once she left, I felt alone again. I'd asked Andy to have Karter for the week, not explaining why. I before I knew it I'd ended up in a deep sleep.

A couple of days had passed. And finally, my letter was here. I looked at it, saw my date and time. I placed it on the top of the pill of letters. Karter was due back home tonight. Putting on my playlist of songs, to motivate me into cleaning this house, that started to look at how I felt. While cleaning my mind started to wonder, how I lost my mum, meet Jasper; but him now not been here when I needed him the most, what I went through with Andy. To now feeling more worse, then I did the day I meet Jasper. I got so lost in my thoughts, that when the door knocked it took me a moment to realise. I looked at the clock, that said 12:38 p.m. Andy was early! Walking over to the door, I opened the door. I wanted to drop the cleaning products, was I dreaming or still lost in my thoughts. Was I seeing right? 

"Hi." 

The person standing at the door said. Breaking the silents that were there I could not find it in myself to even respond back. 

"Can I come in, we need to talk." They said. 

Why are you here? I didn't know what to do! But I wanted to know what needed to be said. Standing to the side, I let them in.