wonderland // j.m [book three]

0.5; the summit.

Freya felt her heart hammering in her chest as the rover rolled to a stop in the lush grass plains before the looming, iron door that kept hundreds of ghosts at bay. From beside her, Leo nudged her in the side, flashing her a reassuring smile that instantly made her feel warm. She sent a small smile back to him and followed him out the rear of the rover and onto the soft grass along with Luna, Raven, Octavia, Gina and Bellamy.

Freya's blue eyes landed on the mountain and she felt her throat tighten and her hands began to shake. She squeezed her eyes shut, remembering walking away from the mountain in the middle of the night, leaving it completely still and silent. Freya hadn't seen or entered it since.

"I shouldn't be here," Freya told Leo as she accepted a backpack from him. Leo reached out, his soft fingers brushing against her calloused ones.

"Freya, if it hurts too much to be here, you don't have to put yourself through that. You've already done so much for our people..." Leo told her. Freya quickly shook her head and silenced the anxious feelings bubbling in the pits of her stomach.

"No, it's fine," she insisted but was shortly followed by a sigh. "It's just... I should be with Kane and my dad, going after Clarke," she quickly added as an excuse.

"Do you really think Abby will leave that place without her daughter?" he questioned, an eyebrow raised. Freya nodded slowly, knowing he was right. Abby had been torturing herself for months searching for Clarke.

"Guys, did I ever tell you about how I saved Sinclair's ass on the Ark?" Raven spoke up, leading them through the heavy metal door and into the halls of Mount Weather.

"Please don't," Octavia groaned.

"Are you talking about the time you went rogue on a spacewalk?" Luna asked, glancing behind her at Raven as the group continued through the halls.

"That depends on your definition of 'going rogue'," Raven responded.

Freya scoffed and rolled her eyes, sharing an amused glance with her twin. That feeling of ease and joy quickly vanished when they rounded another corner, approaching the sound of cheerful chattering.

As they entered the dining room, the sounds of Raven, Gina and Luna still discussing Raven's spacewalk and the sounds of the loud voices conversing gleefully amongst themselves became distant, as though Freya was hearing them whilst submerged in water. Instead of seeing the crowd of her own people, smiling at their newfound comfort as they ate, she could only see the spots on the floor where she had witnessed innocent children writhing in pain as the very air in their lungs turned against them, suffocating them. She couldn't unsee the image of a man hopelessly reaching for his wife's still body, their fingertips barely brushing before he went still too. She couldn't stop thinking of Jasper holding Maya's blistered, red body. Her hands began to shake again, and she felt the bile rise in her throat.

Reality came spinning back to her when a soft hand wrapped around her wrist. Freya's eyes snapped to the matching ones of her sisters. Luna smiled sadly at her and squeezed her wrist in comfort.

"You okay?" she asked. Freya swallowed and quickly nodded and looked back at the dining hall, this time seeing the Farm Station people gathered together in supposed safety. Luna didn't believe Freya for a second, but before she could say anything more, Freya quickly slipped away, following Bellamy, Raven and Octavia to Pike.

"Someone's made themselves at home," Raven commented snarkily, looking around at the Farm Station people who seemed perfectly content to be dining in a room that hundreds of people had died in.

"There must be thirty of them in here," Octavia said.

"Thirty-six," Pike corrected. "But the more the merrier."