He Loves Me Not (Pity Love) || KiriBaku Angst

Chapter One

// Spectator P.O.V. //

'I can't believe this shit finally caught back up with me. I thought I was free of depression. I thought I could finally be happy, yet here I am again, sitting in my bathtub cutting the skin on my wrist, forcing the flesh to stay smooth, as my quirk tried to intervene.

I'm so sick of this goddamn useless body. I'm so sick of the tears that fall down my face, and the emptiness I feel in my chest. I can't stand the feeling of being alone, but I also can't stand being with people. 

The only person I can stand being close to me is my best friend Bakugo, and he's so arrogant even I get annoyed with him.  Every time I look at him though, I feel a bit warm, and the second he catches my gaze, my words stumble and I feel butterflies swarm my stomach. I know that feeling all too well, I also know the feeling that comes after it more than I wished. The second he shoots a glare at me and turns away, I feel that familiar crushing feeling. The one that makes me want to scream out in vain, and break all the bones in my body so I don't have to deal with the sadness that floods through me.

I'm starting to hate even the sound of his voice, because every time I hear it, it's another insult. It's always, "Shitty hair, this" or "fuckmunch, that." Don't you think I already know how fucked up I am? I don't need you constantly reminding me of how much I hate myself. If that's entertainment to you though, then that's fine. I don't give a shit.'

Bakugo set the book down, pressing a palm to his forehead. How could he have been so oblivious? 

He had recently picked up a notebook Kirishima left in class, and figured he could make sure the kid he was tutoring was at least taking notes. He had started reading what looked like notes, and found them to be a bunch of rants. The oldest one dated back to a week ago, which was the one he just read. 

He couldn't believe Eijiro was really so sick of him. He had never said anything.  He set the book down, and laid back on his bed. He heard a knock on his bedroom door and sat back up, "The hell do you want!?"

"Hey! Don't take that tone with me!" His mother shouted back at him through the door.

"Fuck you, hag! I do whatever the hell I want!"

"Listen here young-" she was cut off by Bakugo's dad speaking, "is everything alright in there, bud? You've been in there for a few hours."

"I'm fine!" He barked back, and heard his dad back up a bit. 

He heard his mother speak up once again, seemingly more calm, "Well, your friend is here!"

"Friend? It's not Izuku is it!?" 

"No, it's your red-haired friend, Kirishima?"

"Oh. OH- shit..." he grumbled, standing up to hide the notebook, then opened the door. His mom and dad moved aside, "He's in the living room on the couch."

Bakugo walked into the living room, to see, yep, Kirishima was sitting on the couch, waiting patiently. His hair was down, something he didn't do often, so he must've been in a rush. "What the hell do you want Sh- Eijiro?" He stopped himself from shooting an insult at the red head, knowing fully well that Kirishima was getting frustrated with it.

"I uh, lost one of my notebooks, I was wondering if maybe you knew where it went?"

"What does it look like?"

"Black with my name written in a silver sharpie."

Bakugo stopped for a moment, realizing Kirishima meant the notebook Bakugo had just been reading from. He could lie, and keep it to see what Kirishima had been struggling with, or he could tell the truth, and never get to read the other entries. He decided that it was better to keep it from Kirishima, that way the male might stop writing his problems down on paper, only to re-read and reflect on them later. "No, I haven't seen it. Why, what's it for?"

"Notes. I got it recently since my last notebook got filled up."

"Huh. Well I'll let you know if I see it. Why didn't you just text me rather than coming all the way down to my house to ask for it?"

"Oh uh, well I guess I just wanted it back right away if you did have it." 

"Alright, whatever. I told you I haven't seen it. Is that all you want?"

"Y-yeah...?"

Bakugo cringed as he heard his mom speak up once again, not to mention the words the slipped between her lips, "Eijiro, why don't you stay for dinner? Would that be alright with your parents?" 

Bakugo shot a glare to the woman as she finished her question. Kirishima sensed Bakugo's anger at the idea, and immediatly shot it down. "No, uh, I actually have plans tonight. Thank you for the offer though."

"Hey, Kirishima, I'll walk you home." He said, as he walked closer to his classmate. Kirishima seemed a bit surprised, "you don't have to, Bakugo."

"I know that! Just hurry up I don't want to waste another second of my time." He practically hissed, waiting by the door. Kirishima stood up, and although Bakugo had a bad temper, he was doing something he didn't do often. Kirishima followed Bakugo out the door, and for a good fraction of the walk they were silent, before Bakugo finally had all his thoughts together to speak. "I know what you've been doing to yourself Ei."

"What...?"

"The cuts on your wrists, and the things you write to yourself in your notebooks."

"How...how did you find out?"

"It's obvious. I already know everything you think you're hiding from me, so you might as well spit it out now before I tell you what I know."

"U-um, well.... my self esteem issues have returned... and they're worse than last year. I have really bad depression now, and I... I don't think I want to live anymore." He admitted, avoiding eye contact, tears threatening his eyes.

Bakugo let out a sigh, "what else?"

"I... I don't know what else there's is to really say."

"Relationships with your parents or friends?"

"Oh... yeah. My mom and dad neglected me most of my life, I was barely fed and had almost no possessions. With friends... I feel like I don't really have any. Kaminari and Sero started going out, and since then they haven't been around that much, and Mina's too busy stalking them to hang out with me. You though, you're always there for me when I need you to be. You don't show it to other people but you're really kind, and I really appreciate every moment I get to spend with yo-"

"Alright, cut the gay shit and get to the point."

"I.. I think I love you, Bakugo..."

"Finally, good god that took forever."

"Huh? You mean you already knew?"

"I told you I knew everything you thought you were hiding from me." He paused, and turned to face Kirishima. He grabbed his wrist, rather roughly, and pulled up the sleeve, looking at the cuts. "I'll make you a deal, Eijiro. If you stop cutting yourself, and promise me you won't make it obvious, I'll be your boyfriend."

Kirishima stared at him in disbelief a moment, then looked down, wiping at his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Bakugo in a hug, making the blonde immediatly regret his words. He lazily hugged Kirishima back, figuring he had to act like he loved Kirishima now.

(1288 words not including AN)

A/N: Okay, so dark, I know, but I kind of need a way of venting my own feeling right now...heh. Well anyway, the story will continue to get a bit darker, but there are a few happy moments...

Well, be sure to let me know if you want more of this or if you have any suggestions!