Never Look Back - Seo Changbin

Part Four

It had only been thirty minutes into your adventure you could already feel yourself wanting to shut down and run. Watching the boy fawn over small objects and get excited at seeing tiny things like a butterfly reminded you of a girl you once knew.. One that you couldn't bear to speak the name of out of fear of the memories still associated with it. You could feel your heart strings being plucked. Shaking your head you tried to clear those thoughts from your mind. Shop after shop, you walked around the town until your knees felt as though they were going to buckle.Not that you minded, it was a welcome distraction from the nagging voice inside of your head that was telling you to turn tail and run before you could give him a real chance.

You had gone to a multitude of shops, from outlets to hole in the wall thrift and record stores. You even stopped a few times to buy yourself some records and a new backpack since the one you currently owned was wearing down to it's last days, having been with you throughout your time at the group home, you it was time to retire it.

Eventually, you found yourself slowly easing into your time with Felix, his carefree and easy going attitude bringing you comfort when your thoughts wandered too far. The day flew by rather smoothly, leaving little to know time for you to wallow in doubts and fears over this newly formed alliance. It was only when Felix began to whine about his feet hurting that you two stopped at a small park bench. The boy dropped himself down and huffed. "This is so much walking" You rolled your eyes and chuckled at his childishness poking his cheeks as his lips down turned into a small pout. "This was your idea Lix" You felt yourself freeze as the nickname slipped from your mouth. Slowly but surely you could feel your heart begging to let its walls fall even just a little bit. "Lix?" The boy questioned, raising an eyebrow and cocking his head sideways. Immediately, you cleared your throat and looked away before he could catch your flustered state, "I meant Felix, sorry." you mumbled before standing up and beginning to walk away quickly. Sitting back for a stunned moment, he shook his head and chuckled, "Hey!" He yelled to your retreating form "Wait up!" He yelled as he jogged towards you, a light feeling washing over him at the newly developed nickname.

Little did he know however, you were mentally cursing yourself for your carelessness. You slipped up, you needed to control yourself before you fell back into the same pit as before..you weren't going to make the same mistake again. The same thoughts you were certain that you had been able to stave off for the day flooded your mind. Oh, how gravely wrong you were as those thoughts flooded your head without remorse for your psyche. You could feel the oncoming headache.

Life has always had funny ways of telling you that you fucked up. "Troublemaker, wild child, ungrateful brat". Your childhood had been branded with countless titles to describe your unruly behavior. The empty threats of punishments that poured from the chapped lips of the snobby elderly women who had been assigned to "care" (a term that you would come to find was quite subjective in the foster system) for you in hopes that one of them would be able to tame your rebellious streak. Never allowing your caretakers a moment's peace by persistently finding things to stick your grubby hands into. Looking back now, you could almost forgive your caretakers for their words..almost.

However, despite your ardent need to constantly find mischief, there had always been a silver lining. Your silver lining had been a girl named Aurora, someone who you had seen as more than just a partner in crime, or a simple best friend. No, Aurora had been a sister to you, planting herself into the depths of your heart where there had been nothing but a barren wasteland and carefully curating a meadow that overflowed with nothing but love and admiration for your makeshift sister. To your dismay, what had been your silver lining, would also ruin you.

A hand clapping you on your shoulder had shaken you from your thoughts. "Hey Y/N, is everything alright?" Felix asked, genuine concern clouding his features. Mustering up a smile, you decided that you needed to take a break from yourself and softly nodded, not trusting your voice to speak for you. Sensing the discomfort, Felix flashed another one of his toothy grins and pulled your arm forward, not needing any words to convey that he was about to take you to another one of his favorite places. Smiling softly, your shoulders released tension you didn't know they were holding and you allowed yourself to follow the rambunctious man leading the way to your next adventure.

After visiting a few more shops, an Ice cream parlour, and a small diner that served the best dinner you had eaten in weeks, you finally made it back to Felix's place. Both of you flopped onto his couch, exhausted. Whipping your phone out, you checked the time, glancing to the man sitting beside you who currently had his arm draped over his face you read it out. "1:12 Felix you lied, you said we'd be back by one. It's twelve minutes past that." The boy groaned and rolled himself sideways and off the couch. "And you said you were leaving at 10pm. You have NO room to talk." Scoffing lightly, you playfully kicked his leg. "If my memory serves me right, I clearly remember when I told you it was close to 10, you dropped to your knees and begged me to stay longer but I DIGRESS." Lifting himself up into a sitting position, he nudged your knee at your mocking tone. "Well i'm sorry that I think you're a cool person and want to hang out with you more. I don't get why you have to leave so soon." His lips turning into a small pout yet again. Sighing, you leaned further into the couch before responding to him. "I told you, I have no reason to stay" throwing an arm over your face before settling into the couch. Heavy lids beginning to fall shut as the first tendrils of sleep overtook your body.

You could hear the boy deeply sigh from his place on the ground. "You know we had some good conversations all night, I told you some things about me yet, I still know absolutely nothing about you except your name..OH and the fact that sarcasm is your only defense" By the sound of his voice, you could almost hear the slight tinge of sadness that came with his words, it made your heart ache to know you had caused it. However, you trumped those feelings down before removing your arm and lifting your head to look at him seriously. "First off-" You lifted your index finger in the air to emphasize your point- "I may be sarcastic but it's not the only thing I have." LIfting another finger you counted off again- "secondly why do you need to know anything about me?" you asked, in an "as-a-matter-of-fact" tone. Felix looked down at the couch, picking at the lent and loose seams that had gathered there over the years of use, waiting a moment before speaking once again. "I don't need to, but it would be nice to know you more..since we're friends and all" he mumbled through his pouting lips.

Friends...The word seeped through the crevices of your tired mind. It made your heart clench. It had been so long since you had a real friend. Everything in you was telling you to trust this boy, to accept him as a new part of your life, and before you knew it the words "I ran away." flew from your mouth. You felt instant regret at the admission of the words, you knew that this was the last time you'd see him. Why grow closer when you know it's already over? What the hell were you thinking? You mentally scolded yourself. You could see his blonde tuffs pop up from the floor, his interest piqued as you opened the door for him to peek into your enigmatic life story. After allowing the words to settle in his brain, he looked up to you, locking eyes. "Why?" he asked after a beat of silence. Smiling to yourself, you couldn't help but chuckle, "That's a pressing question." you quipped back sarcastically.
"You're right, don't answer that; but how come that means you have to leave here?" He asked, voice filled with genuine curiosity.
"I want to travel." The lies rolling off of your tongue, hoping that maybe just maybe, you new friend could see through it, I'm running. "I want to see everything i can see and that doesn't happen by staying in one place." I fear that if I stay too long, you may become another Aurora. Your head was pounding too much, the thoughts you had tried to suppress all day surging to the forefront of your mind. "Is that one of the reasons you left?" Sighing, you nudged the man gently, "Felix." you said, tone set in a warning. " Right, right sorry. I don't mean to pry, it just worries me to think that you're running from something." Your breath hitched. A foreign feeling of confusion and anguish surging through your body, as you felt your walls beginning to go back up. He had seen right through you, read you like an open book.

"Why do you care so much? We've only barely met." you spat defensively. The look on his face never changing from the calm expression even as you tensed up and spoke harshly. Smiling softly, he laid on his back and looked up at the ceiling. "And yet you spent an entire day with me and are currently sitting on my couch." He said, gesturing to your sprawled body. "Listen, I care because you remind me so much of someone I met before."- His voice cracking a bit, as he stopped for a minute, as if trying to control his emotions before speaking again. "I haven't seen him or heard from him since he left. He always claimed the same..he had no reason to stay." The sadness radiating from his words unmistakable as he talked about the man. Now, it was you whose interest was piqued. "What was his name?" you asked. Felix looked to you, breaking his gaze away from the ceiling, mischief and mirth settling across his handsome features. "A secret for a secret?".